With my eyes wide open
by Lilla
Summary: What if Aya-chan wasn't put into a coma? How would the Fujimiya siblings' life have changed? Main pairing YxA/R
1. Default Chapter

**Title:** With my eyes wide open 

** Author: **Lilla. 

** Category:** Angst, AU 

** Warnings:** PG-13 (for now) 

** Pairings:** Yohji/Ran or Schu/Aya. 

** Disclaimer:** Wow official looking… 

Any person and event in this story is purely fictional, any resemblance with actual people or happenings is purely coincidental! Ooops wrong disclaimer… hehe… 

I don't own the any of the Weiss cast, which might be a good thing considering how violent most of them can be! 

** Author's Note**: Some POVs. Heavy spoilers for "An Assassin and a White Shaman". This is very much of an AU, I won't follow the original timeline too much, be prepared for a not so nice Aya-chan. Oh nearly forgot **Aya is Ran** and **Aya-chan is Aya**, OK? 

So it starts with a boom… Literally… Last lame joke before things get serious I promise. Many thanks to Sardius, who not only is a wonderful writer and friend but who also extracted from me the promise of writing this! This is for you gal! 

_ Character's Thoughts_

(Character's POV) 

**************** Change of POV 

** Prologue: Goodbye my life.**

_ White… noise… fire… pain… nothing…_

Am I dead? 

`Taste the guilt of surviving' 

(Aya) 

Let me tell you my story. 

It was on my sixteenth birthday that my life ended. 

The day had started out pretty normally, with my oniichan and I being taken to our respective and exclusive schools, in the morning. Things however had deviated from the norm around midday when I found no car waiting to bring me back home. 

_ It's almost amusing how I was afraid I might have to walk home in the rain… All my problems amounting to my new shoes getting ruined in the foul weather. I can't believe how spoilt and childish I was back then. _

I… 

_ I… No it wasn't me…I can't help but feel as if that life was someone else's… Yes, the life of someone who has long been dead. Someone whose naive view of people and life I could almost laugh at._

Let me tell you the story of this girl who died at the age of sixteen. Her name was Fujimiya Aya. 

_ That's my name!! It's just a name, that which I share with her. You can call a tulip `rose' but it will never be one… _

One day for no apparent reason she didn't find her father's car waiting for her as she got out of school. She was very peeved as on that very day she was turning sixteen and was looking forward to being escorted to a fair, which had just arrived in her part of the city. After a half an hour of waiting, she had no other recourse but making her way to the restaurant where her brother had taken up a part time job. No car came to collect him or bring him about; she never wondered why it might be so. Never realised that her serious brother didn't get enough affection; their parents too preoccupied with turning him into the epitome of the Japanese business man, in spite of his strange looks, to take the time to show him any love or understanding. 

It took her but a short while to reach the restaurant, now she only had to find a way to get her brother to give up work for the day, which would be sure to earn him one of father's `you can't simply leave work, you must take your responsibilities seriously' lectures, to get her to the fair she had been meaning to visit. Of course getting her oniichan to take her out instead of working was ridiculously easy, in spite of his dedication to work and to Otosan's principles. She only had to use her cute and sad look to get her brother to cave in. 

_ I… she really had him twisted around her little finger… I suppose I have that advantage to, but he won't cede me the only thing I hunger for._

They got out of the restaurant hurriedly followed by the manager's angry grumbling. There would be hell to pay later for Ran but Aya really couldn't care less for the long-term consequences. She simply wanted to get to the fair, meet some friends, show off her unusually pretty brother, and maybe, why not, find him a girlfriend. The morose baka only seemed to have the one friend: his co-worker at the restaurant, that unpleasant Shinta[1] boy. But Aya would put a stop to the "evil" one's influence on her brother and find him some nice girl, who would leave him plenty of time for his little sister. Someone who wouldn't try to hog up all of her oniichan's time! 

_ How I hate his so called friends… he thinks I'm blind and that I don't see how he disgraces the family's name by being those creatures' boy toy. Oh Ran why? Why can't you just be the brother I need? _

Before they got to the fair however Aya insisted they stop at a jeweller's where she had seen these wonderful earrings she absolutely had to have. 

_ Why did I… she have to insist!? Had they gone to the fair, things would have been so different! I would never have come to be…_

Just in front of a jeweller's however there was, there probably still is, a Video and TV shop. All of the shop's screens tuned on the news. The news that showed an eagle's view of Aya's Otousan's bank with police all around it. Her first thought was about how she could bear to go to school after such an event as her father being discovered recycling dirty money taking place. Her father might even be sent to jail! That would be a disaster the whole family would be affected! 

She didn't have more time to contemplate her sorrowful situation for much longer as Ran grabbed her hand and started herding her in the direction of the bank building. 

_ Oh poor Ran convinced of father's innocence, wishing to prove it. To give his support to our Otousan, a support he would never have received, had the situation been reversed! Maybe he still believes in father's innocence… What a sham! I don't know if I feel more like crying or laughing bitterly at the irony of it all, right now… _

Aya and Ran got to the building in record time, the police however had created a cordon around the building and approaching was impossible. Also the mass of photographer and journalists made it impossible to even reach the closest police officer. Aya turned to ask Ran if they could just find a place to wait for the crush of bodies surrounding the cordon to disperse when she realised that her brother had his gaze trained on a nearby building. The faint outline of two people could be seen there, one tall and lean, the other small and scrawny. What was the baka doing, she thought while getting jostled once more by a frantic reporter, what was so interesting about those two? They had to be reporters who had found a good position on the roof of the nearby building. She reached for her brother's arm to attract his attention, when suddenly the world went white. She felt the air buffeting her to the ground at the same time as a deafening boom resounded into her ears. Then she felt someone's arms embracing her as a warm body tackled her to the ground. -_Pain_-Her last thought was Ran-oniichan… then that little girl ceased to exist and I came into being. 

White… noise… fire… pain… nothing… 

Am I dead? 

`Taste the guilt of surviving…feel it, breathe it' 

Did I really deserve all this? 

TBC… 

Notes: 

[1] To lazy to check up and see what Ran's co-worker is called so I just made up a name… Gomen! 

Ehm sorry about that… still no worries everybody will be fine and well… OK maybe not fine and well, but still not dead… Promise!! 

Also many, many thanks to Sardius for the proofreading and for correcting my silly mistakes! 


	2. De profundis

**Title:** "With my eyes wide open" 

**Author: **Lilla.

**Category:** Angst/ AU.

**Warnings:** PG13 (for now).

**Pairings:** YxR and SxA 

**Disclaimer:** Wow official looking…

I own nothing!!! BBWWAHHH Please can I borrow them? I promise I won't ruin them much…

**Author's Note**: Some POVs. Spoilers for "An Assassin and a White Shaman". This is very much of an AU I won't follow the original timeline too much, be prepared for a not so nice Aya-chan. Oh nearly forgot **Aya is Ran** and **Aya-chan is Aya**, OK? Quite easy actually!

OK after that sort of cliffhanger at the end of the prologue let's go and see what happened right? Yes as if anyone would be interested…

Also many thanks to Sardius without whom this fic would never have got written! Go and read her wonderful fics! 

_Character's Thoughts_

_'Mind-speech' _

(Character's POV)

**************** Change of POV

**Chapter One: De Profundis.**

(Ran)

_Aya… watch out Aya… Someone is looking at us I can almost feel their presence, malignant, waiting to strike._

_What am I thinking? Why do I feel that way?_

_White… noise… fire… pain… _

_Am I dead? _

_'Taste the guilt of surviving…feel it, breathe it'_

_Why… what's happening? Otousan… something happened to him and Okaasan, something horrid. _

_'You didn't help them and now they are dead.'_

_I… I couldn't I had to protect Aya… I did that! I succeeded! She's safe!_

_'You think so? Then you'd better think again. But for your intervention your dear imouto wouldn't be the broken doll she probably is now. Her body is alive but completely ruined. You failed utterly. But then failing is the only thing you know how to do, isn't it?'_

_No! No it's not true! Aya where are you! Aya I will protect you! They won't take you away from me too! _

_Pain so much pain… Aya, it's dark in here…_

*********************

(Aya)

_Ran-nii help me!_

_White… noise… fire… pain… nothing…_

_Am I dead? _

_'Taste the guilt of surviving…feel it, breathe it'_

_What is this voice in my head? Why should I think about surviving… everything's all right. Now I'll wake up and mother will have my breakfast ready with the French croissants I like so much. _

_No I already woke up… what's going on I feel as if I were floating, my senses dulled, gone. _

_The air is stale. Must open the window… _

_I can see the sunlight through my closed eyelids._

I opened my eyes to gaze on up at the sun high in the sky above me white mortar dust falling down all around me. Something red caught the edge of my eye, something that looked suspiciously like blood or my brother's hair. Something that was slowly coming closer and closer into my vision as I could make out my brother's bloody face while his body slowly crumpled on top of me. His face landing almost on top of mine, obscuring my vision. All I could see was red… red hair… red blood.

A red rivulet fell from his hair and ended up on my cheek… I screamed and then as I felt it move down to my neck I screamed again. It was then that I realised I was pinned to the ground by my brother's body and by a huge piece of concrete. There was no hope I could displace both the concrete and what must be my oniichan's dead body. I wouldn't have been able to move that sort of weight even had I been able to feel my body. 

_If I can't feel my body I must be going into shock… _

I tried to cry out for help but my pitiful screams of before had been enough to finish off my sore throat. I wouldn't be able to speak for a while yet with all of my throat and nose filled with dust as they were. All I could see with my eyes wide open was the colour red.

_Will I remain here, trapped!! What if help comes and I can't even hail to them…won't anyone help me please!! Help me! Help me!!_

_'So the little Princess wants some help! She only wants to get out of her little fix. And such moving feelings of affection for your poor dear puppet of a brother. And this after he protected you with his own body! Quite shocking if I say so!' _

_No I… I am not like that! I cared about Ran-niichan! But I can't help him anymore and I don't want to remain here with his body I can't! Oh Kami-sama please I can't!! Somebody… anybody… please!!!_

A rich chuckle seemed to resound within my own skull as if something like that could even be possible.

_Maybe I'm going crazy… _

_'Soon soon… you will lose it more and more each day as the guilt for your lost ones slowly creeps onto you. You will get your just punishment.' _

_Did I really deserve all this? Why? Am I such terrible a person? I… I…_

_'You are human that's enough little Princess… You are guilty! We all are…'_

With that parting shot the voice seemed to fade out of existence. Its unwelcome tones now almost missed as I realised that I was indeed all alone in the world, my family gone. I could practically feel all of my hopes and convictions slowly dying, leaving a barren wasteland of emotions behind.

I could never tell afterwards how long it was before I started hearing the approaching sirens of the police cars and the ambulances. Intellectually I knew that it might take hours of the rescuers working amidst the carnage there had to be around me before someone could find me, still the little glimmer of hope stubbornly refused to die. It should have. 

By my calculations it was no less than five hours before I was finally taken from the rubble and in the meantime night had fallen. When Ran's body was taken away I saw the starry night sky's serenity mocking me and promising normality and happiness that I could no longer hope for.

_Life will never be the same again._

I didn't speak, I was beyond words, as the kindly looking old man who started tending to me asked all his questions. I didn't want to think about anything especially not about Ran and… 

_His body… I can't let them take it away nameless. I owe my oniichan that much at least._

"Please…" My voice was low and rough with disuse, but I forced myself to go on "My brother… can you see to his body… onegai…"

The man looked at me trying to make sense of my mutterings, then, a light of comprehension lighting his gaze, he answered, "Oh, no dear, no worries the kid who was protecting you should be all right even if he does have a pretty bad head wound. Bet he got knocked out cleanly. Now let us see about you, right doll?" 

_Alive… No he's lying to me… Why? Or maybe he' s telling the truth… But how could it be, I couldn't feel his breath nor his heartbeat…_

"Now kid can you tell me your name and your brother's?" the man asked.

I could barely whisper back, "Fujimiya Aya and Ran…"

He looked at me in faint horror: "You mean your parents went through with their suicide with the two of you out here? Certain people… killing these many others and not caring even about their own flesh and blood!"

"I… I… They weren't that bad…" I could feel the tears coursing down my cheeks. I hadn't even realised that I had started crying.

_Haven't I been tortured enough?_

_I, I… is it always I with you?_

For a minute I thought the voice had come back but there was no sneer, this time it sounded more like my mother would, in the rare occasions when I got in trouble and didn't get bailed out by Ran.

No the voice… I, the new Aya behind born in the middle of the wreck of her previous life, was right. How often did I stop to think about others? 

_Did I ever care about someone else?_

_Do I even care now?_

My thoughts were interrupted by the man still kneeling close to me. "Hey kid sorry about that. We'll let that rest. Now don't go falling asleep on me! Can you just try to grasp my hand?"

_How can I grasp his hand when it's not even close to me? Wait he is touching my hand… but I can't feel it… Shock yes that's it…Shock… Oh Kami-sama what is wrong with me!!!_

**_De profundis clamavi ad te Domine (Out of the depths I have cried to thee, O Lord…)_**

TBC…

AFTERWORD

Oh look is that a cliffhanger? Wonder who left it there… 

I have decided to appease my comic urges here to avoid their running amok in the angst I'm trying to dish out in the actual fic. You can ignore this part just some rampart idiocy going on, on my part…

Ran: You seriously hurt my imouto! How could you!!!

Lilla: Well she wasn't that much better off in the TV episodes.

Aya : And you hurt my oniichan too! Now who will take care of poor me! Come to think about it why am I this sort of spoiled brat!

Lilla: Well you should resemble Sakura and all so I thought…

Aya + Ran: You know what is coming right?

Schuldig: She doesn't need to be a mind reader to know that. You Fujimiyas are pretty predictable. On the other hand… Lilla girl thanks, I had a pall messing around with the glares of doom other there! Can we do it again?

Aya + Ran: She had say better no!

Lilla: No… 

Schu: ;.;

Lilla: You won't be that kind next time…

Schu: ^.^V Oh I like how you think…

Aya + Ran: Lilla, Mastermind SHI-NE!!!

Lilla: How original… o.o;;;

Schuldig: Indeed… 


	3. Si iniquitates

**Title:** "With my eyes wide open" 

**Author: **Lilla.

**Category:** Angst/ AU.

**Warnings:** PG13, for now.

**Pairings:** YxR and SxA, some Shinta+Ran in this chapter.

**Disclaimer:** Wow official looking…

I own nothing!!! Sniff… Please can I borrow them? Pretty please with a cherry on top… I promise I won't ruin them… much.

**Author's Note**: Some POVs. Spoilers for "An Assassin and a White Shaman". This is very much of an AU I won't follow the original timeline too much, be prepared for a not so nice Aya-chan. Oh nearly forgot **Aya is Ran** and **Aya-chan is Aya**, OK? Quite easy actually!

So something is wrong with Aya and I bet all of you smart guys and gals (supposing someone is even reading this ^.^;;;) already figured me out. Let's go and see who got it right!

Also many thanks to my kind reviewers: **Sardius**, for all the encouragement and the pointers, and **Nekojita**, for her appreciation of my own (very) special brand of humour!

I really appreciated your taking the time to tell me what you thought!

_Character's Thoughts_

_'Mind-speech' _

(Character's POV)

**************** Change of POV.

++++++ Past memories.

**Chapter Two: Si iniquitates.**

(Ran)

_What is that noise? Is it morning already? Beeping?!! Oh damn the alarm clock, how long has it been beeping for? I must be late! I have to get up. Otousan won't be happy if I get another remark for being tardy and if I miss the car I surely will be…_

With that last thought I jerked awake and started trying to get out of bed. Trying being the operative word. As soon as I moved I felt as if someone had taken an axe to my head and I collapsed back onto the cushion with a faint whimper. I also vaguely felt the sensation of something detaching itself from my chest. The beeping had now turned to an annoying continuous shrill sound, the sound puzzled me. I felt as if I should have recognised it. With a shudder of fear I felt a sudden rush of mostly suppressed memories assaulting me; the sudden pain accompanying them brought welcome unconsciousness. I faintly heard the sound of rushing steps nearing me, then nothing… 

_I dream…_

_That sound, I hear it in my worse nightmares, it has something to do with my Obā san_[1]_… with her and the feeling of harrowing guilt. _

**_++++++_**

_Obā san lying on her hospital bed so pale and painfully unwell as Otousan tells her he has to go, for work can't wait. Myself barely fourteen standing by her bedside too._

**_++++++_**

_Otousan telling me to remain with her at all times… Myself seriously accepting the charge. The day long vigil that continues well into the night. Obā san wanly smiling to me and giving my hand a gentle squeeze. Her hands so cold and clammy._

**_++++++_**

_I am feeling so sleepy, Obā san has been quietly asleep for several hours already, not even moaning in her sleep as she has been doing for most of this last week. Maybe if I just go around the corner and find a cup of coffee from the machine I saw there... I look for coins in my pockets. I find some, just those I'm going to need. Perfect !_

**_++++++_**

_Myself making my way to the beverage maker. Getting the coffee that I'm not yet allowed to drink at home, with a wonderful sense of liberation. I quietly return towards Obā san's room sipping the beverage._

**_++++++_**

_The shrill continuos sound assaults my hears and I watch entranced the running medics entering Obā san Keiko's room. Their sense of urgency frightens me. No it can't be…_

_Please Kami-sama let it not be what I think it is. The half empty coffee cup falls to the ground unheeded as I sprint for the door. _

**_++++++_**

_I enter the room and the medics have already quieted down. One is tonelessly reciting 'Hour of death 02.10 am.' Another angrily mutters 'Was she left alone? And we even warned them that it might come anytime... (Liars you didn't!!! echoes vaguely in my head) Who do we have to notify?'_

**_++++++_**

_No, no it can't be! She can't be gone! There may be nothing that can be done for her but she can't have left us now. No I… Oh Kami-sama I left her and she died alone… How could I have done that… _

_Of course that untroubled sleep, that hand so cold already, that smile she gave me… she must have known. I… I left her alone. All for that stupid cup of coffee I'm not even allowed to drink in the first place. And I let Father down, I had promised I wouldn't leave. Keiko Obā san please don't leave me alone! You and Aya you are the only ones who… who love me…_

**_++++++_**

_'Ran, I hope you now realise that when giving a promise you should never go back on that. Kami-sama has no pity for those who renege their given word. I hope this lesson will make you into something more of a true Japanese man. Remember always that due to your carelessness your Obā san left this life of hers alone and without the comfort or the presence of her loved ones. As fitting punishment it will be you who shall supervise her funeral ceremony. See to it that you give a better performance in this than you did in watching over her. But for your lack of attention we might not have had to go through this so soon. _

_Your mother and sister are overcome with grief. Such a behaviour isn't admissible in a man so you'd better dry those tears. Also since you seem to have developed a taste for coffee from now on you'll have that every morning with your breakfast._

**_++++++_**

_A grave marker, it says Fujimiya Keiko, the rain falling from the sky takes the place, on my face, of the tears I'm not allowed to shed._

**_++++++_**

I woke up with a shouted 'no' barely escaping my lips and tears nearly leaking from my closed eyelids. The emotional pain tearing me apart as surely as the physical one. As the pain subsided I had the time to take in my surroundings. I had to have had one of those nightmares I never seemed to be able to remember.

The white ceiling puzzled me, Okaasan disliked whitewashed rooms greatly and the rooms in our house all sported nice pastel coloured walls and ceiling. So were was I? There was something hanging just at the edge of my mind, something I had to remember, something important…

What was it again? It too had something to do with guilt. It figured it seemed to be the only constant in my life.

_Why does that word frighten me so badly? A man should not be afraid. I won't shame my family and my ancestors by giving in to senseless fears…_

_White… Pain… Loss… **Guilt**…_

_Otousan… Okaasan… Aya…._

"Noooo!!!!!", now I could remember, in all its horror, what had happened yesterday. They were, they were all gone? I had let them go like that without being able to do a thing. I had failed them in the worst of all possible ways. There would be no possible pardon, no chance to rectify what had happened, just this loss to face knowing that, when it counted, I had let my loved ones down.

_I should have saved them? Why couldn't I have? I failed them…_

_'But then you are a failure. You always were and always will be.'_

_Yes they were taken from me because I never deserved them, because I'm a failure and that's why I didn't protect them. I couldn't even get things right and save Aya who was just standing there with me. It should have been me not her!!_

_'Yesss'_

_At the least I should have died with them why must I be the one who survives?_

_'Taste the guilt of surviving. Now it's a part of you… It's all you have.' _

_Then it's true as they say that Kami-sama takes those deserving whereas he lets the Shura_[2]_ live that they might purge their sins… _

The feeling of guilt was tearing me apart when I suddenly felt someone prodding me and asking if I was all right. I opened my eyes to see the smiling countenance of a middle aged female doctor. I felt my body going rigid, I never could stomach that category: lying scum all of them; playing with people's life, taking pleasure in having the godlike power of saying who gets to live and who dies.[3] 

I was almost ready to blurt out those thoughts out aloud, but there were more urgent questions that demanded answers, no matter how painful they might be.

"Where am I" I asked with a voice deeper and rougher than I remembered having. 

"Magic Bus Hospital" answered she, adding unbidden "I am Doctor Ajakanoji and you have been in my care ever since you came in. You were unconscious for most of the last three days. You really did gave us a scare yesterday when you pulled away most of the sensors monitoring you. I know I came in here thinking already of crash carts to find you calmly sleeping like a baby." As a sort of afterthought she then added, before I could interject anything, "Oh and if your voice sounds odd you needn't worry it will probably go back to normal once the swelling in your throat goes down. You took a nasty hit to the back and head."

Having realised the blasted woman would chatter up a storm for several more hours unless forcibly shut up I gave her my dirtiest glare, which surprisingly worked as she stopped talking to gape at me in a fashion that, had I been in a different mind frame, I would have judged highly entertaining. 

_How can I find any amusement when my family is gone when I no longer have anyone in the world… When they are gone because of me…_

And yet even amidst such thoughts I couldn't help but feel the tiniest of shreds of hope that refused to die.

_Maybe somehow they got out of the explosion all right. Maybe I won't be left alone… again_

_'You wish… ahahah' _

I could almost feel this mocking harsh laughter in my mind making fun of my gullibility, of my stupid hopes. Hopes I should have let go of, but couldn't at that time seem to abandon.

I realised the doctor hadn't resumed her blathering and was simply looking worriedly and maybe even sorrowfully at me.

_I can ask her what happened to my family I'll have the courage to do so._

_'Courage? Don't make me laugh. I know chickens with more of a back spine than you! You were terrified back at the bank…'_

_No I can do this! I am no chicken! I am the descendant of proud Samurai I won't shame my family!_

I gathered the courage my Otousan had worked hard to instil in me and after one of those internal debates that seemed to have become second nature after the explosion of my father's building I found myself asking, "My family… My Father and Mother were in the building when it exploded…"

The crestfallen expression on the doctor's face told its own story eloquently enough. 

_Another question before I have to lay my parents down to rest in peace at least in my mind. _

_'How can they have peace when they were murdered?'_

_Murdered? That doesn't make sense! But then, does suicide make anymore sense? My parents and suicide? That's true they never would have done that by going up in a building endangering other's peoples lives. Someone…_

_'Someone killed them in cold blood. Someone made you an orphan, destroyed your sister's life… and Kami-sama knows how many more… Someone who is now enjoying the fruits he ripened out of your loss… __Someone…. Takatori…'_

With that portentous statement the voice suddenly went quiet and I was left listening to my own mental voice working that tangle of emotions and half built connections out on its own.

_They, no he will pay with his blood, with his happiness. He is going to lie dead at my feet, Godfather of Aya or not his most heinous of all betrayals isn't going to go unpunished! _

_Of course it makes sense that it should have been him… That time I caught Otousan and Okaasan discussing of someone asking Father to launder dirty money… That must have been Takatori. After all he was the principal client of the bank and they said that given the man's position approaching the police was out of the question…_

_But now isn't the time for that…Time enough for obtaining proof and exacting revenge after I have taken care of my loved ones, no matter how futile it may be at this stage. _

I steeled myself and finally asked my resolved firmed, "Where my parents bodies found amidst the wreckage?"

I could see the doctor visibly flinching. To me her delicate sensibilities were simply a bother and an obstacle to be eliminated on my single-minded and self-imposed path towards absolution for the crime of having survived. I watched her expression change faintly as she took in my cold and unaffected visage. Disgust faintly crossed her countenance.

_Perfect! My mask fooled her. Otousan was right as long as you are cool and collected people will fear you or maybe even despise you -as I deserve to be despised- but they won't pity you and they will give you what you ask for…_

Then with some acridity she told me, "We think that it might be their bodies that were found, you will be called in for identification, as soon as you feel fit." 

_Identification? Was it so bad that… _

The little frightened boy my parents had tried to mould into a ruthless and successful business man wanted to cry out that no he would never be up to seeing the remains of his parents' torn bodies. But for those very same parents I, Fujimiya Ran, was now mourning I would make an offering of the boy within me to their memories. I would be the son they had wished for.

I looked up in the doctor's face and could see some incertitude showing on her face. Some of my internal struggle having probably been given away by my expression. 

_This isn't good… I won't have her pitying me I don't need anyone's pity nor consolation._

I reinforced my stony expression and told her, "I am ready. I think it might be better if you were to take me to see them now." I could plainly tell that she was shocked and incredulous, so to forestall any possible objection I gracefully pulled myself upright ignoring the crushing pain assaulting me from all my wounds. I already had my legs touching the floor and was hanging to consciousness through sheer will, _Aya would have called it pig-headedness, _before she managed to even utter any sound that wasn't an incredulous splutter.

The necessity of posing the other question weighting painfully on my mind prompted me to send her way another glare before stealing her clue.

_Interacting with others truly is a lot like watching a theatrical representation. Now if only I can get my gaucherie to look, no to be, a sign of an iron will or plain rudeness, I might just pull this off._

"My sister was on the site too. Where is she?" The woman looked at me askance maybe I had been too brusque, especially if compared to my former style, not that I cared. Then with a somewhat closed off expression she finally said, "She is in this same hospital too. Unfortunately her neck was broken, probably as she fell down during the explosion…" the voice of the woman droned on but I could barely make it out in the throes of my guilt.

**_++++++_**

_Myself knocking down Aya to protect her from the falling debris… _

**_++++++_**

_I can almost hear the sound of her breaking neck as I see us hitting the ground once more._

**_++++++_**

**_My_**_ fault… no one else's…_

"She's never going to walk again…"

_I was the one who turned her into a cripple…_

"The position of the fracture is particularly unluckily as it probably will affect her ability of using most of her arms…"

_Oh Kami-sama what did I do? Her never walking would have been bad enough, but this…_

"In time she might, through extensive surgery, regain the use of her hands, but, at present, the situation doesn't look too optimistic…"

_How can something that horrid happen to someone like my imouto, someone so happy and carefree, so full of life. I should be the one bedridden and paralysed! No one would miss me!! I have no friends… I… I caused this!! It was all my fault! _

_'Yes after all you always were jealous of how she could never do wrong in your parents eyes, weren't you? Deep down in the dark places of your souls… Where you never look for there staring out at you, you see what you truly are, devoid of all that has been instilled in you, without morality or guilt… Down there you see the murderer you are.' _

_Yes there is no escaping the sad truth I might as well have killed my sister… In truth I did. But for my intervention she would be OK. I should simply follow her body and my parents in death no more suffering… just oblivion…_

_'No!'_

"The expenses for your sister's care will be, I'm afraid to say, very steep. Even should you decide to forgo the surgery attempts she will require constant and experienced nursing at all times. She was moderately lucky in her misfortune, after all, had the fracture come just one vertebrae higher, we would have had to put her in a respirator, supposing she had even survived long enough for the emergency teams to get to her."

_She will need money maybe if I can make enough I might get her to live a mostly normal life. But how can I? There is nothing I wouldn't do for Aya, but you don't make the sort of sums to pay for surgeries in a bar. And Father's money will surely be taken away after what happened... Aya, I will protect you. I may have failed you up to now but I won't do so again!!_

"I need to see my parents bodies and then my sister. I need to start thinking of the proper arrangements for the funeral ceremony and for getting care for Aya." That probably came out colder than I should have felt comfortable with. I could see the female doctor looking at me with more than a hint of disgust now. But after all I had crippled my beloved imouto, how much lower could a person go? 

_Disgust is no less than I deserve… Why should people like me? _

The doctor was really appalled at my show of uncaring behaviour and decided to not put up any more of a fight and simply gave in to my demands, no doubt in order to be able to leave my accursed presence the sooner. "Come this way, we have to take the lift to go to the morgue… If you are sure…" I didn't want her sympathy, nor that of anyone else, so I simply cut her off with a curt "Hn, I'm fine." 

The trip to the morgue taxed my already depleted strength but my cold mask hid efficiently any discomfort I might have felt. I even managed not to flinch at the sight of what remained of my parents. Otousan I recognised because of his wristwatch, Okaasan had her beautiful visage mostly unmarred on the left side, what the right part looked like, though, was apt food for nightmares. Formalities, like claiming the bodies after identification, and getting the morgue personnel to prepare them in closed coffins, for the burial in the Fujimiya family plot, seen to, I followed the Doctor Ajakanoji out. It was now time to go and visit my little sister; heart heavy with guilt at the thought of facing her again. Just in front of Aya's room the situation took a distinct second turn for the worse. I found before the door both my co-worker, and one time unrequited love interest, Shinta, holding a rose bouquet, and the devil himself in the form of Takatori Reiji. 

_How dares he show his face here? I won't allow that dirty murdering bastard to even lay eyes on my Imouto! He shall face my wrath!_

_Shinta… I… No Aya never liked him I won't allow for anything she doesn't like to go near her! Goodbye Shinta, I loved you well… but then you never cared, maybe you saw beneath the surface to what I truly am…_

It was then that both intruders noticed me standing just behind Doctor Ajakanoji. Their pleased and seemingly excited reactions were seen for the falsity they were in my eyes.

With my eyes wide open and unfettered by illusions I could now see people for the monsters they were. Takatori's excited "Ran, dear boy, I am so happy to see you. You don't have to be worried. I will see to you, as well as to Aya-chan. She will get the best care possible" nearly set me to growling, but I kept my cool as Otousan always instructed me to do in the face of an enemy. 

**_++++++_**

_Remember Ran, as Sun Tzu_[4]_ teaches in his "Art of War", that knowledge of your enemy is but half of winning a battle. Knowing yourself is just as important, but not enough. Making sure the enemy doesn't know you, once those conditions are met though, will ensure your victory. Now, business is a lot like war…_

**_++++++_**

_I remember Father!_

"Takatori-san, we refuse your help. The Fujimiya clan may be down in luck , but we were proud Samurai of Choshu[5] at the service of Katsura Kogoro[6] himself, we don't need the help of any Shogun[7] lackey."

_There! A declaration of war under the guise of stiff necked and unreasoning pride to a minor slur like the implication that I couldn't take care of my sister… It should do nicely. In the old days it would have been enough to provoke a blood feud, but this is modern day Japan. Hopefully he won't realise that I know what he has been up to._

The redness of Takatori's face was eminently satisfying as was his sudden intake of breath. Not halfway as satisfying as his taking a sudden leave from us though, and with a bare grunt of greeting too.The doctor's jaw looked about ready to hit the floor and Shinta was looking at me as if I had suddenly grown a second head. No matter what they thought I had just thrown away. I knew I couldn't let that monster close to my sister, not even if my soul was as dark as his. "Ano Fujimiya-san", observed Doctor Ajakanoji after a little charged pause, "Do you think that was wise? Takatori-san is a powerful man, he's also very rich and could have paid for your sister's care for a long time…" I brutally cut her off, "My sister is in my care."

Shinta had obviously got back enough presence of mind, after the shock of seeing me being so blunt and aggressive, to interject "Ran, I'm so glad to see you finally awake. But this isn't like you at all… Are you sure you are all right? Should you even be standing?" A curt grunt was all the response such remarks warranted. Unfortunately Shinta, while kind and normally a pushover, could be quite stubborn once his sense of what was due to older people was prickled, so that he insisted, "Ran, what is the matter? Excuse me Doctor, could I talk to Ran face to face, please? I'll call you should he feel faint, OK?"

The doctor was all too happy of getting rid of her troublesome patient and after commenting that she would be seeing how Aya was doing she left us alone. That was when I got the third shock of the day. 

"Oh Ran!! I was so frightened when they told me you had been wounded! These were the worst days of my life! I couldn't believe, wouldn't believe that I might lose you before even telling you how I feel about you! Ran I… I love you! Suki da[8] Ran !"

_No… Why now? It is too little! Too late!!!_[9]_ Now when there is no more hope for us, is it only now that you tell me? I don't deserve love. Those I love die. Those I love suffer… No… You don't love me… As I… don't… love…you…_

"Hn, I don't care…"

_Oh Kami-sama that was harder than I thought… How can I look at his crushed face and just remain there impassive as comprehension and horror slowly dawn in his eyes? For Aya… Just for you Aya…_

"Even if you didn't care… Why say it like that! Ran I don't recognise you! I don't know who you are, but you are not the Ran I knew. You… you are an unfeeling shell. I.. I could almost hate you…" , with that he turned to go.

_No Shinta don't go I didn't mean to say that… For *Aya_* _I can bear this. For her I can bear *anything*_ . __

"Ran, if I go out of here like this, I won't turn around. I'll be gone from your life forever. Ran don't you at least want us to remain friends? I can understand it, if you don't reciprocate my feelings… I spoke hastily at an awkward time, because I had been frantic about you, but I really care and I don't want to lose you… Ran please answer me! Tell me you'll be my friend still… Ran?" His only answer was silence. I couldn't talk; I couldn't cry…

"I see, I was a deluded fool. I hope you'll regret this… Don't take too long the door won't always be open."

_Now to face Aya and reassure her…_

_How will I find that much money? _

The serious talk with Aya took several hours. I had to tell her that our parents were gone and that we were practically destitute. I also had the unwelcome duty of telling her, that for reasons I didn't wish to discuss, Takatori-san would no longer be considered as an adoptive uncle for us and that we couldn't depend on his financial support. The hardest part, though was breaking to my beloved imouto the news of her condition. She had already realised that there was something wrong with her spine, but no one had wished to tell her the real extent of the damages. By the end of that talk, I found myself retreating behind my icy facade more and more as I also realised that Aya too, was rapidly changing. Gone was the fairy child all smiles and happiness. I wasn't sure that I could bear the angry, almost withdrawn adult emerging from the shattered remains of my sister.

Shutting Aya's door behind me I considered taking Ajakanoji-sensei's advice and trying to find a psychologist for Aya, to help her deal with her condition. Only my distrust of such individuals and the lack of money preventing me from looking for one right away.

_How can I bear it…to see her looking like a pale shade of her former self…_

It was then that a red-haired woman approached me and motioned for me to follow her. While taken aback by her unusual curly hair, as well as her wearing socks and high heels (while never a judge of fashion, even I knew that, that was simply just not done). I liked her countenance, however, and followed her to a tiny office down the corridor from Aya's room. Our conversation was very interesting indeed…

********************

(Schuldig)

I smirked at Bradley as he stood by watching me sceptically. 

"Well, that was easy." I drawled knowing that the precog must have a good idea of how I, purposely, almost blew the assignment. Suspicion that, in spite of his tight mental shields, was immediately confirmed as he observed in his usual calm manner, "I would take great care while dealing with the man, we will need him to break free from that useless swine Takatori. With a little luck the little bugger may even have a few uses after that…" 

_How I hate the prick's superior and holier than thou manner! One day I will see him humbled but not before I am finally free… _

"Do you think the Kleiner and the little Kaiserin will prove of any use in our bid for freedom?" I asked trying to read the answer to that question through impossibly tight mind barriers. A fleeting but satisfied glance through shining glasses was my only answer as our leader left the room.

_The damned Brad-lily will give me a headache one of this days…_

_Well at least I got a boy to sell his soul to the devil out of all this hard work… A satisfying activity indeed._

********************** 

(Shinta)[10]

I went back to the hospital today. I wish I had never thought of doing that. I thought that maybe Ran had had time to think things over. That maybe today he wouldn't be that disgusted of my inclinations and would consider giving me back his friendship. 

_I should have listened to Aya-chan, she did drop plenty of hints as to Ran not being interested in boys. I thought she was just jealous of her brother showing any interest in anyone but herself, but apparently I was wrong._

But that isn't what really pains me. It's the thought that the last words Ran and I spoke to one another in this world were spoken in anger, that tears into me.

_And all because I couldn't keep my big mouth shut. Ran… Oh Ran why did you have to die! Why so horribly. I could have understood Aya wishing for death in her condition, but did you have to go with her? Of course you had to. You never would have let your little sister face anything frightening alone…_

_Had you already decided yesterday? Was it why… Did you wish for a clear break?_

_Ran…_

_I went to your funeral today, well yours and of your family. They buried you all together. All the four of you on that little hill overlooking the sea, close to your ancestors. I didn't know you had a family plot. You know they put you on the left after Aya-chan, you are close to one Fujimiya Keiko. I wonder if you all are at peace now. A family once more. _

_You know, Ran, I brought you some roses just as you always liked them, white and red. They looked good against your headstone. _

_For a minute I almost thought I could see you, in the distance, looking on at the proceedings from the nearby hill, the one with the big gnarled old Sakura tree. _

_You would have laughed, seeing me running away, in the middle of the ceremony, to join you. I think everybody back there was convinced I had lost my marbles. There weren't many people, though, I think it was because of your father, but still I created quite a stir._

_Of course you weren't there but wouldn't you believe it, even after getting there I kept looking around for you. Even now back in town I can't help but turn and almost shout anytime I see a flash of crimson crossing my vision. You know… I…_

I broke down and cried.

**************************

**_Si iniquitates observabis Domine Domine quis sustinebit. (If thou, O Lord, wilt mark iniquities: Lord, who shall stand it.)_**

TBC…

Aarrgghh evil muse leave me alone I can't type any more!! Ouch, ouch, ouch!!

**Notes:**

[1] Obā san** =** Grandmother. 

[2] Short for Ashura. Really ugly demons in Buddhism who had great battling strength. Also fire divinities in the Indian pantheon if I got that right. You know like Ashura of the Clamp's RG Veda. Oh I don't own that either!

[3] Hey Ran-kun got badly disillusioned. But doctors actually do a great and demanding job, let us not forget that in the face of the category bashing in parts of this fic hey!

[4]The author of the "Art of War". 

[5] One of the Domains (Han) that rebelled to the Tokugawa Shogun, during the Bakumatsu No Douran. Sorry about that, I've been reading to much "Ruroni no Kenshin" lately…

[6] One of the leaders of the Choshu samurais during the Bakumatsu.

[7] Shogun… well the military and political leader of Japan prior to the Meiji Restoration. 

[8] Lilla: I like you a lot… Right Sardius-sama? Sardius-sama is my official Japanese dictionary. A big Hooray for the wonderful gal!! 

Sardius: *blushes* It means "affection, liking" - also used to signify love, the phrase "suki da" is more ambiguous then the English equivalent "I like you." Does that also help? 

Lilla: Thanks!! It sure helps a lot! 

[9] And there goes the weird sense of humour… The **first** one who gets from where I got that quote **gets**… mmh **a comic Weiss story of his/her own**. With the pairing they like. Yuck and what if someone asks for a Farf/Aya? Well it's going to be very comic… or idiocy-filled… or both… eheh

[10] Wow the boy even gets one POV of his own… before disappearing for all time from this story. Unless people really like him.

**For you Sardius and before Friday!! x.xV**

10 pages?!! AARGGH and I meant to get to Crashers with this one!!! Mmmh must cut out some scenes! Sendai… Crashers… Sendai… Crashers… mmh great plot or cute character… Arrghhh that's so difficult a choice! All right for a question of "par conditio" **I'll cut both**! 

* Dodges frantically the thrown rotten fruits and tomatoes. *

OK, I'll do both but in a condensed fashion… Have to do that or I'll never get to the good part, right Yotan? 


	4. Speravit anima mea

**Title:** "With my eyes wide open" 

** Author: **Lilla. 

** Category:** Angst/ AU. 

** Ratings:** R due to NCS (non consensual sex) 

** Warnings:** There is a one short non-graphic male-male rape scene in this part, you have been warned. Also OOC Yuushi… 

** Pairings:** YxR and SxA. 

** Disclaimer:** Wow official looking… 

I own nothing!!! I still haven't given up all hope of getting them for Christmas though… Well one has to choose one's delusions, right? 

** Author's Note**: Some POVs. Spoilers for "An Assassin and a White Shaman", Crashers and Dramatic Precious. This is very much of an AU I won't follow the original timeline too much, be prepared for a not so nice Aya-chan. Oh nearly forgot **Aya is Ran** and **Aya-chan is Aya**, OK? Quite easy actually! 

So Ran and Aya died and the story was finished with the last chapter… Why this other chapter then, you'll ask? Because, as you obviously gathered, I sort of lied eheh… 

Many thanks to **Lady Gackt** for letting me know that at least something in this fic is OK plot wise. And to **Nya** who asked for more… (Someone asked for more? O.O… Thanks ! ^.^) Hope she won't be too pissed off at the delay! 

Also many, many thanks to **Nekojita**, who took time off her busy schedule to correct my silly mistakes! Any remaining errors, or maybe I should say horrors, are entirely my own! (So please don't steal them!) 

Many thanks to **Sardius **too, who got me up to writing this, and is now on a well deserved holiday. Enjoy yourself girl! 

_ Character's Thoughts_

_ `Mind-speech' _

(Character's POV) 

**************** Change of POV 

++++++ Past memories. 

** Chapter Three: Speravit anima mea **

(Aya) 

Oniichan came to tell me goodbye today. Odd how I took seriously his vow to always be there for me.

I trusted him so and now he's leaving. 

`Haven't you learned it yet? People lie, it's their nature to do so.' 

_ Maybe that is so and yet…_

I always thought that my brother's word would be as stone. It used to be like that. To the point where getting a promise from Ran got to be a scary thing, for he would always abide to the letter of its wording, as well as to its spirit. 

_ I suppose that the story he gave me about having to go away for some out of the country, temporary job, was a lie too. Does he think that because my body is broken and I look like a cute doll, my mind is gone too? I am intelligent enough to realise that no one is going to employ a high school drop-out kid with no qualifications, especially not in an high pay job capacity and in a foreign country. And Germany of all places too… when he doesn't even speak the language. _

I can't help but wonder if this isn't just an excuse to get rid of me, to leave me behind… I am ashamed to say that in Ran's place I would have considered doing that. 

`No you wouldn't have considered leaving behind your useless brother… you would have done it. You would have gone on with your life, thinking back now and then at how tragic it was that such an accident had befallen your *beloved* brother.' 

No I would have helped him… I… 

_ `Sure…You might just have sent some spare change you had to take care of him, but you never would have graced his hospital room with your presence. You would never have approached someone who was a cripple. Someone who would have shown you just how imperfect this world is.'_

No, I would have faced it and… 

`Be honest Aya. This from the girl who crossed the road just to avoid gazing on the less fortunate. Those poor starving souls making their way to the better parts of Tokyo, risking the police and jail, just to ask for some coins to survive?' 

_ That's not true! I used to help beggars, whenever I saw them…_

_ `Sure just so that they would leave your blessed presence all the sooner…'_

Stop it! Stop it! No more! I am a good person! I am a decent person! I… It's true. I would have done just that. But Oniichan… No he would never… Even the thought that he could abandon me seems absurd. Especially when he promised that he would always take care of me. That he would get the money for me to afford the surgeries that will give me the chance to use my arms again and maybe even my legs… 

`Your legs? What pitiful hopes he gave you, you'll never get back the use of your arms, much less of anything else.' 

No… No… My Oniichan never lies! He does not lie! 

_ `Whereas the Devil does? Not this Devil little Kaiserin… not this Devil.'_

Akuma? Why would I think that I am speaking with a devil… I don't even believe in devils. Am I really going mad? Oniichan, come back and help me, please!! 

I… I'll be a better person. I won't lie anymore, as I _do when I pretend to be the little happy and carefree Aya, you look to me for. Please Oniichan… just help me! Don't leave me alone! I am afraid… so very much afraid._

******************* 

(Ran) 

_ Today I had to say goodbye to Aya. At least for the next eight months I will be unable to see her with the start of my weapon and formal training for my new job in Kritiker. I wonder why I would be sent to a formal Ikebana centre of learning, though, to become an assassin. Maybe this will bring me closer to vengeance for the restless spirits of my parents and for the living body of my sister._

Somehow I still feel that trusting Erika[7]_ was the smartest thing I've done, back at the hospital. But for her suggestion that we leave immediately, Aya and I would have died in the fire that developed in Aya's room. _

`Makes you wonder where nice wholesome Erika got the bodies to have whomever did set the fire think he had killed the two of you…' 

_ No I won't think about it! The only important thing is that Aya is safe and that I will bring Takatori down._

`Sure! Why bother thinking of all the innocents who will fall in your wake? Innocents like your precious Imouto…' 

No, I must stop thinking about this! Erika explained clearly what they do. They bring justice to those the law can't touch. To the Takatoris of this world. Redemption and death will be my only concerns.' 

******************* 

(Shion) 

_ It is indeed a great pity that young Ran should still be moved by those many emotions. There can be no real excellence without having reached one's center. The boy is so seemingly cool, and yet that is but a foolish mask, no real acceptance of one's place in life in his spirit. Not even the smallest shred of a conscience of the futility of these hatreds he bears so ferociously._

"Enough!" I let my voice be heard. No point in continuing like this. Even if the boy's technique was good enough to shame Kikyou, the duel's final end would still have seen the latter as its victor. The time had come to try a different approach. No hope of getting cynical, bitter Kikyou to listen at this lesson, so I decided to simply dismiss him, "Kikyou, I think this will be enough, please go and take care of that report Erika asked from us." I let the silence linger, hoping to see a little patience in the eyes of this last pupil of mine; the most promising of them all, the one in whose hands I feel I might even leave my own sword and my title as Master of the Formless Style. And yet the one whose soul was the farthest from Illumination, that lack of feelings that marks the true practitioner of Budo.[1] 

"Ran…" 

No, no trace of patience in his demeanour… 

"Your forms are perfect. But your soul is too far from the proper equilibrium to allow you to use your sword to the best of your ability. The sword is a weapon used for murder and kenjutsu[2] is an art devoted to killing. If feelings enter your heart, the sword you wield will not be a sword of justice. Only those whose heart is free from the chains of maya[3], those who realise that this life of ours is an illusion, can hope to wield the sword of righteousness." The confusion I could almost see entering my disciple's eyes was disheartening. I would give the boy this last opportunity before declaring him ready for the field and having him leave the Aoba center for good. Should he understand, on the other hand, I would finally have one disciple for the advanced training. 

"Ran, what do you feel when you think of what happened to your parents?" Now the boy's gaze turned attentive. I could see some sort of internal struggle going on and waited to let him put his thoughts into words. "Guilt… anger too…" Ran paused and looked at me awaiting something probably legitimisation of those feelings on my part. 

_ No matter what, those feelings have to go, be they understandable or not…_

"You feel anger because they died and guilt for you couldn't prevent their deaths, isn't it so?" A bare nod being my only response I decided to pursue the lesson, "It was in their Karma that they should die, then, in that way, and to interfere would have been impious. So what reason is there for guilt or anger? Destiny took its allotted course, the actions of man are ultimately futile before that. Look for your path towards illumination and leave everything else behind. Shed the trappings of hate and anger first. Then leave the stronger and falser one of love behind too. All of your emotions are but manifestations of your imperfections, of your yearning for that which you lack. Leave those behind; you do not need them. And then you shall be at peace." 

_ Now he looks upon me with understanding. The first among many to do so. Will he be strong enough to shed the trappings of this world?_

"Shion-sensei, but if I give up my loved ones why would I fight?" 

_ Understanding doesn't bring illumination, you were right Shishou_[4]._ But I can see myself making this Deshi_[5] _of mine into one of the elects. Yes, I may have found my heir. He'll renounce those emotions. Already he is closer than all the others to leaving them behind, they give him nothing but pain, and he'll find it easy to renounce them. Either that or he'll have to bury them, so deeply that they will be lost forever, to survive. Will that be enough?_

******************* 

(Schuldig) 

"So mein anmütiger Führer… What can I do for you on this fine day?" I drawled with my signature satisfied smirk on my lips. 

_ It's not very often that Crawford takes the trouble to enter my lair and ask for favours. _

No matter how controlled his thoughts, I could feel enough unease coming from him to assure me that he was, indeed, here to solicit my help. I marvelled at how he managed to keep a straight expression in face of the words he was uttering, I knew this had to gall him tremendously. 

"Schuldig, complications have arisen. You have to make sure that the Fujimiya boy is going to survive the next few days." 

I let that stand for a while before bothering to drawl my reply, "And why the hell would I have to exert myself to obtain that end? While I find the boy to be absolutely hilarious, with all that desire for redemption, and while I like the little Kaiserin twisted spoilt self , I hardly see any reason for going to all this trouble over those two talentless brats. I don't see how you can claim that they are going to prove crucial in freeing us from our yoke." 

"No you do not see… and there is no reason why you should. You just have to enter the traitor's mind of that little Sendai unit and make him wish to spare the boy. Or better still get the boy out of there that night", replied the American with his usual aplomb… 

_ So he's going to play it close to his chest once more? No I don't think so. I'll get a rise out of him this time… and I'll find out what his plans are._

"Just do that? And pray how should I accomplish that miracle, Crawfish? Tell me, oh mighty Oracle, do I get to push all the levers on this one? You know that Kikyou man is hardly your run of the mill salary-man. He is one difficult bastard to influence. And I don't see why the heck I had to keep him away from the Kleiner. Had he had his way with the boy he would surely have spared him. Frankly I don't see any other way, at this point, to accomplish your instructions short of working in that direction." 

_ There! And if you are sweet on the little baby, I'm sure that will get your fur bristling…_

"Fine, do that." With that the emotionless bastard walked out of my room leaving me to rework my theories on Braddy-pooh's interest on the Fujimiya brats. 

_ Well at least this way the game is sure to be that much more interesting._

And at the very least I would get to enjoy a little pillage and rape as I worked the poor, insane Sendai killer to the right pitch. 

_ Yes… I think I will enjoy this manipulation much more than most others._

_ Now to decide what little games I want to play with the poor little Orchid this night. A little bondage definitely and for the rest I'll improvise. I'm sure Kikyou himself will provide me with plenty of wonderful ideas._

My smirk widening, I didn't bother to quell the satisfied laughter bubbling from my throat. 

******************* 

(Ran) 

I woke up in the dead of night, with a cry on my lips, the faint memories of a terrific nightmare fading with wakefulness. Yet a sense of unease assaulted me, I could feel a barrage of senseless emotions within my heart. 

_ Why after all that training do these sensations come to me now? Is it because I have been following Shion-sensei's teaching so painstakingly? _

`Something bad is happening to your friends and teacher as you dream… will you let destiny take its course unhindered or will you try to protect your loved ones? Loved ones like the teacher who wanted you to abandon all such feelings. The poor fool, he never realised how much of a fuck up you are…' 

My friends my teacher… in danger… Yes I can feel it stalking them. It comes from hatred, from within… Get out of my head! 

`What?' 

I don't have time for the voice in my head now I have to go, before it's too late. 

I got up and hurriedly put on my gi and hakama[6], forsaking the more formal part of my apparel. At a near run I made my way to the training room and the swords within. Something at the back of my head telling me I would need a weapon. The nosy voice I had found so easy to avoid listening to, when following the teachings of my Shishou, seemed to be back with a vengeance taunting each and every one of my actions. No matter, I stepped in the exercise room and got the shock of my life. Shion was lying there in a pool of blood and there were several masked individuals dead or fallen around him. I approached my sensei recklessly, hell-bent on checking him for signs of life and praying that I hadn't come too late to find myself facing the point of Shion's katana. For a moment I thought that my teacher would follow through with his thrust then I saw a light of recognition entering his mostly unfocused eyes as he breathed a sigh of relief before speaking. His voice rougher than usual but still possessing that eerie calm, "Ran, my disciple, we are betrayed… Take this katana to remember me by. You… are now the last master of the Formless Style, even if I didn't finish your training… I… hope you'll achieve your full potential." A long pause ensued as he fought for breath, then, "Now you must get out of here and bring word to Erika and Marigold…" 

I could take this no more. I interrupted my Master for the first time ever, " Sensei I won't leave you here! And the person who did this shall be made to pay!" I got no answer, though, Shion's eyes had closed and I was left alone once more. 

_ No!!! It cannot be!! Not again!_

`Again and again you will feel this pain for it is your destiny… you shall survive.' 

Then the door opened behind me. And that is the last thing my mind was able to recall. After that pain ruled… 

And my family was once more taken away from me… 

I really shouldn't grow attached to others again, the pain is just too great… 

******************* 

(Kikyou) 

With one last thrust I reached completion within the beaten and bleeding body of the team's baby once more. The release had never felt that good and I found myself idly wondering why I had never tried to get the little Orchid as a plaything before. His expression and his fighting spirit spent, he was still incredibly beautiful, almost ethereal, covered in blood as he was. His blood red hair harmonising so nicely with the blood red rose I had carved on his back and the blood running down his legs from the place where I was sheathed. So exquisite… It was almost a pity that I had promised my men a taste of this delicious morsel before starting with him. Now, after having tried him, I felt like keeping him for myself to enjoy, night after night, instead of beating him to death and leaving his broken body here for the bastards to find, as I had previously thought of doing. His cries of anger and shouts of indignation had sounded so sweet to my ears. Just thinking of when those pained whimpers had almost turned to groans of pleasure I could feel myself becoming hard again. Yes I would enjoy myself a little more, time enough for the boys to get their turn after they had set up my fake corpse. "Go and prepare the fake corpse. You can have your turn once you come back." I watched them go like little obedient dogs with great satisfaction. 

_ Now to enjoy myself a little more…_

_ `Seeing as the boy was that responsive in the end I don't think there really is any need to keep him tied up any longer…'_

No, better not risk it, he may be beaten and out for the count but you never know. 

`But if he could struggle a little it would be that much more entertaining… Also you got him down when he was fresh and armed, now to subdue him would be a child's game…' 

True… 

As soon as I took Ran out of his bindings though I found myself facing an almost berserk fighter, one which put me down for the count all too easily. My men were very disappointed for the lost occasion. I wasn't however. I felt that sooner or later our roads would cross once again, for that is Karma. 

_ Wonder what Shion would have said about not giving in to one's emotions after seeing that little display. _

******************* 

A young attractive redheaded woman is speaking on a portable phone in an isolated corner of an hospital lobby. 

"The Kritiker unit in Kyoto was obliterated yesterday night, Marigold." 

"Yes, we only have one survivor, Orchid." 

"He is still in the operating room. I found him bleeding all over my hideout carpet yesterday night and took him immediately to the emergency room." 

"No he wasn't very coherent. I'm not sure he's going to remember anything of what happened to his unit." 

"No, I don't think he's going to remember if given a little time. The doctors have reported that he was brutally and repeatedly raped… I think he'll probably suppress any recollection of the events that brought him here back in Tokyo." 

"Yes, I think that in time he should make a complete recovery… At least I hope so…" 

"Crashers? Yes, maybe. They are one team member down… I'll see to it… But do you think it is wise?" 

"He'll agree, no doubt about that, because of his sister… Yes goodbye." 

The redheaded woman interrupted the communication. With a faint sigh she made her way to the elevator. As she waited a faint "Life is so unfair at times, to some more than to others," could be heard escaping her lips. 

That wasn't such an out of place statement in a hospital that anyone hearing it would have remarked about it… 

******************* 

(Aya) 

Oniichan finally got back from Germany. After more than a year with just the odd phone call I was almost starting to doubt him. Especially when he missed our weekly call twice last month. He was so changed and serious, no longer the same shy boy I used to know. He tried to smile, but it seemed more of a grimace of pain than an expression of joy. The smile never reached his eyes. He looked like Father used to, but less serene, tormented even… 

As if seeing me reminds him of loss, and indeed maybe it does… 

_ `The loss of his soul, sold into slavery and frozen to try and survive the pain and guilt. All for you… Isn't it a sweet offering?' _

Now I am always being fanciful, like when I almost convinced myself that he was doing terrible things and that he hadn't even left the country… 

Stupid me he came back speaking nearly faultless German, where else could he have been? 

`Sure, where else? I mean it's not as if he could have gotten German lessons in Japan…' 

No, I won't keep doubting Ran like this! Oniichan doing something outside the law? How absurd! Where I got that idea from, I don't know! It just doesn't make sense. 

`And your Otousan laundering money does? Come on, you thought often enough that Ran must have gotten involved in one drug ring or another…' 

No! 

`And his sudden departure for America? America, my foot! You won't ask yourself the reason for it, will you? You won't ask for any explanation from him either. You are just too happy to reap the rewards of your brother's hard work. Or should it just be termed dirty work? It makes you feel loved, doesn't it? Still the center of someone's world…' 

******************* 

(Crawford) 

I made my way once more down the corridor to Schuldig's room. This was getting frustrating as well as demeaning, I could only hope that the flash of a vision where I stood fighting the Fujimiya boy over the dead bodies of the elders was an exact precognition. The thick smell of pot assaulted my nose as soon as I opened the door. 

_ That idiot had better be able to function properly with drugs in his system. If he messes this up I'll shoot him. Wonder what twisted pleasure he finds from getting his control, what little he has of it, stripped away by drugs. _

"Schuldig, you have to make a slight adjustment for our plans concerning freedom to work." 

_ `Fuck off, oh my fearless leader! I am enjoying this high immensely and I have no intention of ruining it to follow your so called plans for freedom. I am still as much of a slave as I was last year and I don't feel like working anymore.'_

"You can do it, now, or you can die." 

_ `Such boundless love and care for me. I am moved Braddy… You know, influencing the little bugger is getting to be very unpleasant. I always get a headache when I try nowadays…'_

"This is going to be easy, you just have to convince him to be reckless enough to risk his life and that of a team-mate. Things will simply proceed in the proper direction from there." 

_ `Fair enough… But I get to play with the Kaiserin all day long tomorrow with no interruption!' _

As I walked away I could feel the strands of the future shifting, bringing the fall of my Masters closer. 

******************* 

(Yuushi) 

This mission started out just fine but before we were halfway through things started to go down the drain. First that idiot Ran, or rather Rook, as I should call him, went half cocked after one of the security's guards to protect Pawn. 

_ Rook my foot, he's never going to take Masato's place in our team, in our hearts! He's just an outsider! Because he wills it so. I so wanted for him to be a friend but he is too cold, too callous for that._

Only to get the boy shot in one arm, himself with an ugly leg wound from a bullet graze, and the guard free to give the alarm. Then as if that wasn't enough the unfeeling bastard tried to finish the mission disregarding completely Bishop's order to pull out. 

_ Now Yuushi, be honest you were the one that alerted the guard in the first place, so placing the blame of Ran's shoulders in its entirety is hardly fair…_

So now, as I refused to leave the stubborn fool behind, I find myself cornered with him by three angry and very well armed guards. 

_ No hope of making it out. Oh hell, Masato will be furious with me for having gotten myself killed. Pity this time we won't get to the make up sex…_

I was getting ready for my last moments when I saw Ran tightening his grip on his katana. Well this once he was right, we might at least go down fighting. The guards opened fire and I felt the bullet tearing its way into my upper right leg. 

_ Fight indeed, Yuushi, they took you down with the first shot…_

It was then that I could only watch in incredulous stupor as I saw the normally cold and unflappable Ran completely lose it. With a cry of anger and a shouted "You won't hurt my friends again!" he jumped on the shocked guards, attacking them without his usual grace, without a thought about his safety or the guns they held. He took them down, his thrusts too forceful but incredibly efficient. As the last guard's neatly severed head landed within an inch of my outstretched foot I could barely keep down my dinner. In shock I turned my eyes from the gruesome sight of the head to my blood splattered and thoroughly confused companion. I couldn't understand why the guards had never even put up a fight. They had remained there standing, like sitting ducks, letting Ran butcher them. In the eyes of the head I had seen hopelessness, as if he had seen Death in the eyes and had realised there was no hope for him. It was then that it really dawned on me. Ran had killed! 

_ He has killed and Crashers are forbidden from killing! What will happen now? What will happen to my friend? For he is that by his own word!_

******************* 

(Ran) 

Nearly two years and this anniversary finds me here once again at the graves of our parents, at our graves, Aya, looking out at the sea and thinking of how little my selling my very soul to Kritiker has given me. 

I have killed… I am a murderer, there is no other word to describe me now. 

++++++++++++ 

Erika talking, a serious expression on her face, "Ran you have killed. There is no longer a place for you in Crashers." 

"I didn't mean to, they had us at gun-point… I didn't think. Yuushi couldn't have run and I had to protect him…" 

Erika smiling sadly "I don't discuss your choice, or your wish to protect your team-mates But it remains the fact that you have killed. A dog that has tasted blood will become a wolf, there is no way for him to go back. You have to accept what you did. We'll find you a place in another of our units. In the meantime you might wish to look into a few solo missions to keep Aya provided." 

++++++++++++++ 

_ Do I even deserve to be in your presence now Aya? I, with my bloody hands… Do I dare taint your purity, your innocence?_

And yet how can I abandon you. You who are my only justification, my only redemption… 

The only one who loves me. 

`How can she love you when you are a liar and a murderer? She loved her brother Ran. You only have Ran's body and name, you aren't him!' 

You dirty leech get out of my mind now! 

`Such fire… Mmmh I could grow to like it, as did Kikyou…' 

Kikyou… /pain/ No… enough… GET OUT!! 

My mind my own again I try to strengthen the barriers that I have been envisaging in my mind to keep that man out. I am pretty sure he is the same one who killed my parents, the one who watched from the nearby building… 

_ I had better not think about him, as they say the devil knows when people speak his name._

_ This place makes me think of all my hopes Aya…_

I had such hopes three years ago: that Aya would soon be getting better, that, with the money I was going to make and the surgery specialised Kritiker staff could offer, she might soon regain the full use of her arms, that she might live getting about in a wheelchair, instead of remaining anchored to her hospital bed day in and day out. 

_ All of that for nothing. Aya is still bedridden, but now my soul is so dirty that I no longer deserve to be in her presence… And Takatori is still alive. I haven't even been able to get my revenge… _

Standing here before my Otousan's headstone and leaving behind a tasteful Ikebana arrangement he would almost surely have approved of, even as I know he would never have approved of me, I can't help but think that it was all for nothing. 

_ All for nothing. I have tasted the guilt of surviving, now I wonder if I'll survive the taste of guilt. _

******************* 

(Aya) 

Ran came to see me today. He said he would have to leave very soon for France. I wanted to cry and ask him to remain, he just got back from the States. Even if he did bring back enough money for me to stay in this clinic for most of next year and even for that exploratory surgery, I am starting to think that his companionship would be better than any other thing. Also I can't help but wonder what he truly is going to do on this trip… 

_ Will he truly be checking on potential software developers as he said?_

`No. He'll become a little more steeped in murder and blood. What little of his soul is still his, he'll pawn to get you money… all of that for you. Don't you feel better knowing that? Knowing that someone out there is ready to give up everything he has for you?' 

No, that's not true! I don't want Ran to give everything up for me. I… 

I can't take this any more! Stop! Shut up! I don't want to listen to your voice! You aren't me, you are not! 

`Sooo… you finally realised? It took you long enough… Nearly three years… talk about thick headed.' 

Who… who are you? What are you? 

`Me? I am your conscience. I am the Devil himself. I am your guilt. _I am… Schuldig.'_

_ Speravit anima mea in Domino _

My soul hath hoped in the Lord… 

but it no longer does. 

TBC… 

** Notes:**

[1] Budo literally discipline, code. By extension a School of thinking and fighting. 

Or to quote Neko…Budo is a train of thought, a way of living that the samurai embraced. It is a code of honour, you might say. It mixed loyalty w/ always showing proper face, a code of conduct for warriors to follow. 

[2] Kenjutsu = the art of the sword. The whole sentence comes more or less from Ruroni no Kenshin. Just in case you are wondering… I don't own that either! 

[3] Maya = illusion, in some sects of the Buddhist religion, with this term you would identify the whole of reality. I made Shion into a sort of Buddhist `shao-lin' monk with a sword because it made sense. His teachings go hand in hand with that religion but no where is there mention of his belonging to any one religion. 

[4] Shishou = Master. (formal usage?) 

[5] Deshi = Disciple. (formal usage?) 

[6] Samurai shirt (gi) and pants (hakama) respectively. For a nice picture of Ran in his samurai get up, go to Aya no Weiß Kreuz corner. 

[7] Erika who is better known to Weiß fans as Manx! 

OK I hope that you enjoyed this… 

Unfortunately, as some of you are bound to have noticed, the sense of humour has escaped from its cage. 

*turns around to point at an empty cage with a plate stating `Sense of humour'*. 

The good news is that the little bugger is still mostly leashed. 

*Turns around to see a bitten off leash lying on the ground. Further off can be seen several meters of thick chain, which was bitten through, abandoned* 

or so I like to think… 

Horny Yuushi got through my guard, but I'm proud to state that I stopped myself just short of some serious Brad-lily torture! 

Brad: Why do I get the impression that this is a temporary thing only? 

Lilla: Darn, did I have to have an Oracle primadonna in my fic?! I mean, sure why not, as if things weren't tough enough! You know what I QUIT! Find someone else to write you all those POVs! 

Brad: Yuppy yeah!!! 

Lilla: I hope you realise that it means no Farfie for you… 

Brad: Ack! I was obviously joking! 

Lilla: Thought as much… 

Yuushi: I'd like to state that I have some serious complaints concerning the way I was portrayed, I don't have a thing going with Masato and… 

Lilla: Sure, sure, unfortunately there is ample proof out there… 

Yuushi: But it's all fanfics! 

Lilla: Duh and this isn't? 

Yuushi (to Brad): We are busted aren't we? 

Brad: Pretty much, but you got lucky apparently you get left in peace after this chapter! 


	5. Domine exaudi vocem mea

**Title:** "With my eyes wide open" 

**Author: **Lilla.

**Category:** Angst/ AU.

**Warnings:** R 

**Pairings:** YxR and SxA.

**Disclaimer:** Wow official looking…

I don't own any of the Weiss show characters situations and so on!!! I wouldn't mind getting them for Christmas though… Please, Santa… Pretty please with a cherry on top? 

**Author's Note**: Some PoVs. Spoilers for "An Assassin and a White Shaman" and "Ranjatai". This is very much of an AU I won't follow the original timeline too much, be prepared for a not so nice Aya-chan. Oh nearly forgot **Aya is Ran** and **Aya-chan is Aya**, OK? Quite easy actually!

And now enter Weiss!

Lilla: And it only took me three chapters and a prologue to get all the boys on the scene!

Kenken: Only?

Lilla: Sarcasm, Kenken, sarcasm! Darn, must resist the temptation of making Kenken into the stupid jock! Arrgh this is going to be soo hard!

Kenken: What was it you were saying? What's a jock?

Lilla: Never mind… What can I say but "Abandon all hope oh you who enter," pardon me read…

Many thanks to all those who have been my support and inspiration! First of all **Sardius** and **Nekojita**, you rock girls! 

Additional thanks to **Neko** for the beta reading! Any remaining "horrors" are entirely my own!

_Character's Thoughts_

_'Mind-speech' _

(Character's POV)

**************** Change of POV

++++++ Past memories/Dreams.

**Chapter Four: Domine exaudi vocem meam**

(Ran)

_I should have gotten used to the smell and feel of blood by now. Three months from when I first used my sword to take a life, and several more killings after those first guards, and yet I find myself unable to face what I have become. My nightmares are now a waking dream, where the bloodied corpses of those I killed look at me, asking for a reason to my actions. Is there even any? Can saying that I need money for my sister's care be enough of an explanation for a life cut short? No, I don't think so. There can be no justification, I am but a murderer and as a murderer I shall live and die… _

Today Erika came to see me again. She had a mission folder with her once more. 

_This is the fifth this month. Will I ever be steeped enough in blood that I will stop caring? Would that be a sign of a soul completely lost or rather of the reaching of an equilibrium? I am afraid to answer that question._

This time I almost didn't have the energy to ask for the list of the crimes this person had committed. I simply asked Erika if that person had committed grievous crimes. Having received a positive answer, that yes the target was a danger to Kritiker and the innocents, I took the folder with the name, saying I would accept the mission. 

_I really hope that the soul I'm going to send screaming into Hell deserves it fully this time._

After that woman I killed in front of her daughter, I have found myself unable to judge these criminals as harshly as before. 

_Am I really any different from them? Am I really any different from Takatori, who had my parents killed before my own eyes? I killed that woman for producing mind altering and potentially deadly drugs, true, but I did it under the eyes of her loved ones. Her daughter, whom I didn't have the strength to kill, will remember my face with the same loathing I feel for those who killed my parents and destroyed Aya…_

_Now isn't the time for this though… I have a mission to accomplish. _

_Yuki Ishiro, one time agent of Kritiker, now betrayer, dies tonight. _

*******************

(Aya)

Two weeks since Ran left for France. Two weeks where my mind hasn't been my own. I wonder if Schuldig even exists or if he is rather a figment of my imagination given shape and a name to fight the crippling loneliness. 

_Still he knows so many things I don't, for him to be but a part of me doesn't make sense. Of course neither does telepathy… and I am so desperately alone…_

The nurses paid to look after me do so, but in a clinical fashion. The kindest show pity in their eyes and I, like most of my family, never dealt well with compassion directed towards me.

_'Yes, you certainly belong more to the school which prefers envy and hate to compassion'_

_'I can share that viewpoint… A pity that you no longer are in a position to be picky about what you get from others…'_

_I don't see why I should listen to you, seeing as you always are that unpleasant to me! _

_'Ohh, kleine Kaiserin wants widdle diddle Schuldig to be well behaved… No can do! Where would the fun be? And are you sure you want me to leave you alone? After all, I am the only one_ _who tells you all that is happening around you… For example, did you know that three doors down from yours there is a Kritiker assassin, like your brother, that after coming in for a minor arm wound is now enjoying the charms of a pretty nurse?'_

_Uh?_

_'Oh you didn't? Do you want to look in on them?'_

_You… you… Hentai!!!_[1]

_'Oh dear, I am insulted!! And here I was trying to relieve your boredom in a pleasant fashion… But maybe you would prefer to know what your Oniichan is doing right now. And all to find some more money for that useless surgery his employers keep dangling before your eyes?'_

_'What no smart comeback? No curiosity? Well… let's just say that brother dearest is tailing his target… He's lucky the poor man is very tired or he would already have been spotted, such carelessness…'_

_You are making this up… Ran is in France and…_

_'Sure, sure, little doll, believe it all you want, you know it's a lie. Oh this is interesting, the poor critter is actually carrying about some interesting information about the business Takatori had with your family. Heh wonder what Ranny would say about it. Now why should I wonder when I can get to see it?'_

_Wait don't go! What was it you where saying about Takatori-sama and a business with Otousan. What was it about? Talk to me!! Come. Back. _

_Come back… please…_

_Don't leave me alone…_

*******************

(Yuki Ishiro or 'a victim')

I have been running for days now. It seems almost as if I have always been on the run. Ever since that day when my life ended. I lost everything and the ones handing me vengeance on a silver platter were the very people responsible for my predicament.

I wonder if they even know what it is to see your loved ones, the wife you worshipped, the daughter you were so proud of, lying bleeding on the floor.

I wonder if they know how your heart cries out in your breast before breaking, shattering with their last breath.

I wonder if they can tell how the stare of glazed dead eyes remains with you forever, asking why? 

_Why?_

And the hardest part is discovering that my misery could have been prevented. Should have been prevented. 

And then, even worse, that I am not alone…

That others, tens of others, lost their families, their loved ones, their whole life as I did. And that I was a part of the organisation who provoked that loss, a clockwork in the machinery that destroyed their lives. 

_Minako, beloved, how can I live with that weight, that guilt, on my shoulders?_

I have finally reached my hiding place; as I duck into the grate protecting the way in to my hideout I take the time to look around. I don't see anyone, the heavy rain falling discouraged most people from wandering the streets. I don't think someone could have followed me. Years in the business have made me a slippery fellow. Still I know it is only a matter of time before my masters' pets hunt me down. I don't care, I only have a little more work to do. Once those who were betrayed know, then I will be simply waiting for the end to come. 

_Wait for papa Yumi-chan he will be coming very soon…_

_What is this feeling of hopelessness…_

Suddenly, as I hunker before my laptop, ready to send out the last e-mails which will ensure people know what they are dealing with, once they are in Kritiker's clutches, I feel a breath of fresh air against my neck.

_How could anyone have sneaked upon me? _

As I turn around to face my adversary I see a mane of wet crimson hair and cold, cold violet chips of ice in the place of eyes. I know that face… I should have saved his parents… Should have saved his soul…

_Is it too late?_

A katana flashes ominously in the dark… __

_Cold, crippling cold, hope gone, finally blessed emptiness…_

I watch the perfect grace of the man before me as he swings and beautifully finishes his stroke…

_Yes, too late, always too late…_

_I… failed._

_Am I falling?_

_I… am… sorr… _

*******************

(Ran)

As I stood in the little hovel my target had chosen as a hiding place, looking down at the dead body at my feet, the blessed calm missions have always given me departed, leaving me shaking and trembling with the strength of suppressed emotions. 

_Hopelessness… Why am I living? What is there for me?_

_What am I thinking? I have Aya to take care of!_

_All gone…_

_No, Aya is all right, and she will get better… _

_Why am I feeling like this? _

_And that damned German isn't even responsible for this! Or did he find another way to get at me? _

_'Oh are you missing me?'_

_Get out of my head now!!! _

As I gathered all my anger, my pain and frustration to try and get the leech out of my mind, I felt his presence retreating, but not before one last parting shot flashed into my mind.

_'Maybe before deleting all the information like a good errand boy, you should get a peek at what oldie over there had to say about your precious family…'_

There was no reason to take anything the murdering bastard said to heart and yet I couldn't prevent myself from gazing almost distractedly at the unsent mail message flashing on the screen.

It was addressed to me and several other agents, including Bishop. I opened the attached document marked for Fujimiya Ran and started reading.

I don't know I long I remained there staring at the screen once I was finished. I only know that, at a certain point, the rising sun shone directly into the room and I realised I had missed my last check in with Erika.

Erika, who had told me lies from day one. Who had known that my parents had refused to collaborate with Takatori for his Chinese operation. Who had known they would be killed and hadn't lifted a finger to prevent it, because they had laundered money for Takatori and they had been put down for elimination by Kritiker. The fact that they had relented because of menaces towards myself and Aya-chan wouldn't have made a difference to the sanctimonious bastards. 

A harsh laughter escaped my lips. Or it could have been a cry of pain. I couldn't tell. I was awash in a sea of anger and self-hate, my control shattered. I might as well die, it was nothing more than I deserved. I looked at my bloody katana, Shion[2], with longing. It seemed fitting that filthy with the blood of the man who had risked his life to let me know, it should taste my lifeblood too. The lifeblood of the killer who had used it. 

I stood there thinking of the proper ritual of seppuku.[3] I was trying to decide if I deserved the belly wound of the warrior, or if the neck stroke of the dishonoured woman, wouldn't serve me better, when I realised I couldn't do it.

Aya… if I died they would have Aya. 

_Kami-sama protect my sister! If they realise I am going to turn coat and run they could kill her. But I cannot go on working for them. They are as much to blame as Takatori! They will all pay for what has happened! I will kill them all, their parents, their brothers and sisters, their loved ones, every single person they have been associated with_[4]_… It will be a blood bath._

_But first to get Aya and disappear… _

*******************

(Crawford)

The vision came to me as I was brushing my teeth. After nearly swallowing my toothbrush I got back my composure and had to start fighting the impulse of blowing away with my gun the hat rack that blasted German insisted was his head. How could the moron take a simple action and ruin completely months, years even, of hard work? And now of all times, when we could have finally gotten rid of Takatori in just a few more months.

After carefully rinsing my mouth I made my way down to Mastermind's room and entered without bothering to knock. The German nuisance was lying on his bed, eyes open and slightly glassy, as always when he was influencing someone.

I didn't bother with the usual niceties, there was no time to lose if we were to ensure that the Fujimiya boy didn't get killed by Kritiker while trying to smuggle his sister out of the hospital. 

_Time enough to figure a way to have the blasted guy rejoining the organisation afterwards._

So with a forceful mental shove I got Schuldig's indignant and undivided attention.

The man reacted in pretty customary fashion, "Oh Braddy-pooh… What brings you here this morning? You know I never get up before midday! Finally giving in to your baser instincts? So how do you want to do it?" I suspected he would have gone on for quite a while longer but at that moment he got a good look at my face and wisely decided to keep silent. I debated whether I should let him stew a little before explaining but decided that the time constraints were too short for that sort of object lesson, this time.

"I hope you enjoyed your little game tonight, because thanks to it Fujimiya Junior has gone rogue and will be trying some time this morning to smuggle his sister out of the hospital. He'll fail and both siblings will be summarily executed by Kritiker."

I let that sink in and was fairly disappointed when I saw the German's bothered expression. I was counting on him getting attached to the girl, as far attached as you can get to a plaything. 

_Time to get out the stick, if the carrot isn't working…_

"You have two choices, you can either start working now to shield them and get them out unhurt, or you can die at my hands." With a heavy sigh the German got up and, after giving me a tired look, commented, "High maintenance pawns are a loss of time Crawfish but by every means let's save the two pets' necks once more. Anything else I can do for my bossy leader?"

"Avoid messing up again. Also you can start working on that Hanae Kitada woman's mind to convince her to try and get back the boy instead of killing him outright. While you are at it see to it that Fujimiya forgets about what he read tonight."

Schuldig flashed me a put upon and obviously fake puppy dog look before replying "Sure, why not? Anything else you want me to do? I mean why not get me to make you wear drag, I have about as much chance of doing that than I have of getting the boy to forget anything! He has the memory of an elephant! And I don't like his mind, it's painful…" "Never mind forgetting" I answered "try to give him the idea that from within Kritiker he could do that much more damage to Takatori and ultimately to the upper echelons of the organisation as well."

Leaving behind a mollified Schuldig I made my way back to my room, the vision of Fujimiya being taken down by his team-mates flashing in my mind…

_All will be proceeding as it should… good… _

*******************

(Yohji)

_Another night, another mission. And yet no matter how much I drown myself in alcohol, sex or blood you won't leave me alone Asuka._

Your ghost accompanies my steps as I make my way silently down the corridor following little Omitchi in his way to the computer room. A simple information gathering mission. 

_Same old. Same old. _

It has gotten to the point where I wish for a change, for anything to happen, even for death to claim me in order to be free of this ennui, of this senselessness in my life.

I almost wish something were going to happen. Anything as long as it doesn't hurt my team-mates. Or rather as long as it doesn't hurts Omi. Can't get the same protective feeling for dear Ken-ken when the bitchy bastard left me cold on the ground after our first meeting. 

Still he has kind of grown on me in all this time and I now not only consider him almost a friend, of sorts, but also a little brother. 

_As they say you don't get to choose your family, but once you are stuck with them, you can count on them for everything. This second family of mine sure is like that. So unlike the first…_

While I am so taken with my own thoughts, I almost miss the armed guard coming from the right-hand corridor. Luckily I'm much faster than he is on the draw and the bugger ends up strangled at my feet, long before he can squeeze the trigger and hurt Omi, or myself.

"Ah, Kudoh Yohji, AKA Balinese, the fastest draw in the whole of the East!" I whisper to a sceptical Omi. The chibi glares as I utter my true name but doesn't stick to protocol, also he is kind enough not to remark on my absentmindedness, which nearly resulted in injury, and simply moves on towards the control room.

Everything is pretty uneventful and all too soon we find ourselves on our way out, information harvested and an evening of relaxation looming before us. I am trying to decide whether I should call Reina or Yuki for the rest of the evening out, when across the communicator comes a distress call from Ken.

As I start running to the roof where Siberian is stationed, I can only hope that I'll be on time. If hot-headed Ken says he needs help it must mean that he is completely outmatched… 

*******************

(Ken)

The mission is proceeding much as usual. Only, seeing as I am to serve as backup, I don't even get a little action. 

_Damn! Not only do I have to entrust Omi's safety to Yohji, who most of the time can't be counted on to take care of himself, let's forget being able to watch out for others, but I also don't get any action. Unless I can find myself a couple of guards… _

While I am looking around for something to do I can hear over the comm Yohji making some idiotic comment about his quickness. Yeah, the only thing the man does quickly is finding some poor soul to fill his bed…

I am about to scoff at Yohji's comment when a flash of metal catches my eyes from a nearby roof. It bears investigation. As I get nearer I can see a tall shape swinging a sword of all things and cutting down gun carrying guards like wheat. The man finishes off the last of the guards and looks up at me. I catch my breath, his hair is blood red and what I can see of his face, in the uncertain light of the city's night, is breathtakingly beautiful. Still I am taken and I am not a cheating bastard like Yohji.

While I am considering the stranger's physical appearance I suddenly realise that he saw my face.

_Damn and so now I have to kill him…_

I jump down to the rooftop he is standing on and with a smile of regret approach him. I can only hope that he is a Kritiker agent. As I get nearer I see that his face is even more beautiful than I first thought. His hair complements nicely alabaster white skin, which is set off by his black outfit.

Now to verify my hopeful conclusion, "Hey pal you here on business, the same as us?"

_Uh oh he doesn't strike me as the friendly type._

I can fairly feel menace emanating from his personage. Before I can make any other comment however, he cuts me off asking, "Do you know anything of the Fujimiya family?"

I find myself remembering some old news, about a building exploding, a few years back just before I joined Weiss. 

The light of recognition entering my gaze evidently sets my opponent off, for without any further ado he shouts something about killing me and everyone I ever came into contact with, and attacks.

_Holy shit but this guy has been to school…_

It takes the all of my skill to avoid getting skewered; a sense of doom builds up. I know I won't escape from here alive, for the first time in years I feel outright fear. Before I can even realise what I am doing I find myself asking for help over the comm. 

_I… I can take this prick… why am I so defensive and afraid? Is it because of his expression?_

Little by little the relentless assault brings me closer to the edge of the roof; I try to come up with a strategy to escape the fluid sweeps of that katana, out for my blood. I'm almost ready to try and jump in the hopes that the fall won't kill me, as I am sure my opponent will, when said person is forced to duck to avoid several incoming darts.

_Omi? Damn Yohji had better be with him! If the lazy ass let Omi come up here alone I will kill him! Or if worst comes to the worst I'll… *haunt* him…_

I am almost ready to shout a warning to Omi that he should duck, when long silvery filaments of wire entangle the swordsman.

_Yohji! Good… I get to shout at him…_

But before getting a piece of Yohji for letting me worry with his penchant for tardiness, I have one little detail to take care of…

_You my dear red-haired friend are going to pay, with your life. I don't care what you do to me, but you tried to skewer Omi and now you are so going to meet up close and personal my bugnucks…_

Before I can finish the trussed up swordsman, though, a voice tells me to stop. As I turn around I get to see Birman, one of our contacts, stepping out of the shadows with a gun pointing at the redhead.

_She wants to kill him herself? What did this guy do? _

Then my world goes for another loop as I hear words out of Birman's lips that I didn't think I would hear again, "Will you be my dog or will you die? Choose now!" 

_Kami-sama, please tell me we don't get the psycho as a team-mate!!! Please… _

*******************

(Ran)

"Will you be my dog or will you die? Choose now!" Birman said. As if there really was a choice…

I never had a choice, none at all. They had found Aya-chan in her hospital a week before and now I would have to dance to their tune again. I had tried to delude myself into thinking I would maybe get a chance to get my beloved sister back, but deep down I knew that hope for the fond wish it was.

"Do I even have a choice?" I answered; she simply smiled and told me that I could meet at her at the Koneko no Sumu Ie the following day. I remained there, head bent, wishing to shout at the injustice of it all as my captors left in the night silently as they had come.

_Aya I have failed you again… Otousan, Okaasan, I have no choice but to serve those who let you be killed, forgive… me… _

*******************

(Omi)

I got a mail from Manx-san yesterday night after the end of the mission. She told me a few things I had to know about our new team member. He should be joining us within the day and we are to put him up in the free apartment on the second floor right in front of Ken's. 

_I sure hope we won't have the sort of problem we had after Yohji-kun joined. Ken-kun means well but he doesn't react kindly to new faces on the team. Especially if he is afraid I might show any interest in them. I must be extra careful this time so that Ken-kun doesn't feel jealous. _

_I don't think Yohji will be a problem, he seemed quite taken with our new team-mate; he kept claiming he had to be a woman in disguise to be that beautiful. _

_Unfortunately that same comment managed to make Ken-kun feel more insecure. But I shall be taking care of that all too soon._

Now the new guy Fujimiya Ran… he could turn out to be a problem. Manx-san said he didn't like working for Kritiker very much in the past, but they were willing to give him a second chance. 

Someone who killed without reason must be very evil indeed; the fact that he kept killing after leaving Kritiker disturbed me… 

_I hope this guy isn't going to show himself as a wicked person for I wouldn't like having to dispose of a team-mate. I also can't help but hope that he won't ruin my family. Weiss and Kritiker are all I have… _

_I wish for him to be a new elder brother and not target._

*******************

(Ken)

I can't believe our employers! They want us to make a place in our team for the cold-hearted bastard who nearly killed Omi and I yesterday night.

_I won't forgive him all that soon._

I don't like having to deal with a new person's habits; we were such a wonderful team, Omi and I. I still don't see why they had to stick us with Yohji and now the swordsman… 

_Anyway, first things first, as soon as the murdering bastard arrives I'll be greeting him with all my considerable warmth._

_Self assured prick will get his just desserts…_

I find myself smiling broadly once said man enters the shop, he is carrying a cloth wrapped bundle and little else. Man, this type gives a new definition to the word Spartan, I didn't expect any armful of cloths Yohji-style, but to start with nothing more than the clothes on his back and what I suppose must be his katana is a little daunting as well.

Never mind I must keep up the proper formal introduction… "Pleased to meet you, I am Hidaka Ken."

I near him as if to take his hand and change my motion midway to give a nice good shiner. As he wipes away the blood falling from a split lip I can see his eyes flashing coldly but dangerously.

_Perfect, he still has some fight in him. Now he'll learn not to mess with me._

After he hits me with considerably more force than I would have given his willowy built credit for, I consider proper introductions to be over and get us enmeshed in a nice all for nothing fight all over the shop.

_Omi is sure to complain about this but I'll make it up to him…_

At a certain point the prick tries to get out that overgrown knife of his, but Birman takes it up and out of the shop as she leaves, seconded by Omi.

The utter bastard, he wants to try and kill me even if we are to be team-mates. Oh I'll give him a lesson he won't forget all that soon!!

It takes more than half an hour for me to knock down the new arrival, the man has some stamina. I took Yotan down after five minutes. I am also very pleased to realise that the fear he provoked in me yesterday is all but gone. 

_Must have been a trick of the light or something that made him look that deadly. No heavy sense of doom this time._

I look around at the totalled shop with a faint twinge of guilt. It will take forever to put everything back to rights. At the same time the still form of the downed redhead is enough to make me feel a burst of satisfaction. 

Whistling I make my way up the stairs, our guest can sleep in the shop for all I care.

_The sneaky type had one or two dirty tricks up his sleeve, must put some ice on the knee… _

*******************

(Yohji)

It is pretty late by the time I make my way back to the shop. I know I should have been in to greet the new team-member but after last night I had to work off some steam. 

Or else jump the redheaded dream at first sight. Which wouldn't have been a smart way to start a working relationship. I learnt all to well not to get involved with people close to me. It hurts to damn much!

Luckily Reina enjoyed my attentions…

I get to the shop and find it still open; inside everything is broken: pots, plants, even one of the arrangement tables. 

_OK, Kenken's proper introduction out of the way, why didn't anyone bother with closing up? _

Amidst the wreckage I make out a fallen form, a hint of blood red gives me all the clues I need to identify the loser. It figures, Ken-ken is one hard bastard in a fist-fight. Plus beautiful didn't seem to have the build to challenge King of Fist Hidaka. Given the way they wrecked the shop though I think that Red must have given a good account of himself.

_I sure hope the jock didn't ruin our new team-mate's face, it would be a real waste! _

I close down the entrance and make my way to ascertain the conditions of the man, and find him bruised and out cold but with no hint of permanent damage on his person. With a sigh I gather the unconscious redhead in my arms and lug him up the stairs. As I get to my apartment door I am already short of breath. 

_Should really cut down on my smoking if I can't even carry a beauty up the stairs without working up a sweat. _

I debate climbing the stairs up to the second floor and the redhead's new home sweet home and decide that I don't feel up to it. So one handed I manage to open my door and having made my way to the bedroom I delicately put down on the duvet the unconscious man.

_His profile is breathtaking… I can't wait to see what colour his eyes are… Probably brown, if this hair colour comes from a dye-job. Or maybe blue if he really is a natural redhead. _

I can't help but feel curious about him. Still, as I keep reminding myself, it doesn't do to get too attached. 

I get out my first aid kit from the bathroom. While not as complete as Omi's I still have plenty more than is normal for someone not in our line of business.

_Time to play Florence Nightingale… Nurse Yohji takes care of the patient._

I work first on all the scrapes on his face; nothing that a couple days won't cure. Provided our new friend keeps on Ken's good side. I then check him for broken or cracked ribs. 

_I got a couple of those the first time I tangled with Kenken… Nothing, resilient fellow… mmh nice chest he has… Nurse Yohji, back to the job, will you?_

I check his back perfunctorily and I am amazed when I faintly feel the outline of crossing scars on his back. 

_Darn there are plenty of them, must be as bad as Ken's. Doesn't feel like burns though… Wonder how he got them…_

Not wishing to spoil the image of perfection he gives off, I avoid turning him around.

_Now, do I check the legs or don't I? It's a great excuse to see him all naked…_

The internal debate between caution and lust having been won hands down by the latter, I let my hand drift to my guest's waistband. Only to get the shock of my life as his eyes snap open. I have barely the time to realise that his eyes are violet, when with a loud Kya, he pushes me completely off him and to the ground. Before I can get out my breath he is shouting, "Get out of here or Kami-sama be my witness I *will* kill you!!" I don't know why, but I feel suddenly afraid, cowed even, and I hurriedly make my way out of the apartment. 

_Violet eyes… Oh gods violet… I never would have guessed. Hey wait, the violet eyed prick just threw me out of my apartment!! Damn I am such a pushover and a sucker for a beautiful face…_

With caution I make my way back into the apartment, I find my dream guest sitting on the bed, rocking gently back and forth as he hugs his knees. He looks beautiful and fragile, an alabaster sculpture come to life. As he moves I catch a glimpse of his back and find myself mouthing an expletive.

_Someone fucking drew a rose on his back, with a fucking knife! Gods no wonder he had that reaction, must have been around some sick fuckers…_

The scarring, faintly pink as it is, stands out on his snow white skin. It is almost beautiful, almost… and yet at the same time horrific. I find myself wishing to reach out to him, but the redhead's previous reaction makes me think that such an action could be, at this point, misconstrued So I settle for words, my second strongest point after touch…

_OK, I am a hedonist, so sue me!_

"Well pal I am sorry about the wake up call, but you got knocked out by Ken-ken and I wanted to make sure you had no broken bones. That boy is known for occasionally resorting to under the belt strikes, so just to be safe, after seeing to the upper top, I wanted to check on the bottom."

_The fact that I find him as sexy as all hell had better wait for a later, make it much later, time! _

He looks up at me, his eyes faintly haunted but still cold as he comments, "Why did you come into my flat?" "Well" I answer with a sheepish smile, "this is actually my apartment. I took you up here after I found you passed out on the shop's floor." A cautious look is thrown my way then he replies "I see… I'll be going. Where is my apartment exactly?" 

_He wants to leave already? I don't want him to leave! So what do I do? I don't think sitting on him would accomplish my aim… A conversation…_

"Uhm second floor on the left and then straight till morning" I fumble with the opening shot.

_Great, just great Kudoh… Now he must think me up to nursery rhymes…_

_OK, it was lame but he isn't going to simply go without a by your leave, a greeting, anything?_

"Ehm, now friend what do I get to call you?"

_Baka, I should have known the bedroom voice was off limits! His behaviour before was clue enough. I wonder if all those back muscles are ever going to unclench… What am I thinking? Must keep up the word flow! Well at least I shocked him enough that he isn't leaving._

"So got a name, gorgeous?"

"Ran"

_Oh hope he answered me! Ran, orchid, it suits him…_

"It suits you… Hey pal where the heck are you going to?" He doesn't even deign this last question with any words in reply, but simply exits the door, leaving me behind to ponder…

_Had this happened a few years ago I would have said I was in love… Now, who knows… _

**_Domine exaudi vocem meam_**

**_Lord, hear my voice._**

TBC…

**Notes:**

[1] OK that was evil… but funny… and the sneaky suspicion that the Kritiker assassin is Yotan won't go away... Is he really? This author doesn't know… ^.^;;

[2] Yep Ran named his katana Shion!

[3]Seppuku ritual suicide… Harakiri… 

[4] And that is all Ran-kun's pissy self, not a line of mine!

Lilla: So that's all folks! Complaints anyone?

Brad: No thank you very much, I can foresee the after-effects of any bitching pretty well.

Lilla: Ah come on you only had a little problem with a toothbrush…

Brad: I don't brush my teeth, thank you very much!

Lilla: That's gross you know… O.O;;;

Brad: I knew it… I knew it… I'll let it be for now.

Ken: Hum actually I have a question too. Why am I that much of a blood-thirsty bastard?

Lilla: Well you are, aren't you? I mean look at dramatic precious! Plus you did knock Ran out and did leave him on the floor in the manga… Also I didn't think you wanted to be the usual jock…

Ken: *Gets out huge dictionary Japanese-English* Jock you said right? With a 'J'?

Lilla: Never mind, Ken-ken, never mind…

Lilla: OK end of discussion… Of course any comments and critics are very much welcome! Sorry about the random idiocy coming out, but you were warned about the deadly Sense of Humour from the start. Hope it wasn't too bad. See you soon!


	6. Heaven on my right

**Title:** "With my eyes wide open" 

**Author: **Lilla.

**Category:** Angst/ AU.

**Warnings:** R 

**Pairings:** YxR and SxA.

**Disclaimer:** Wow official looking…

I own nothing!!! Nothing I tell you!! Darn why can't I have one little measly thing!! Oh wait I do own something… yeah the mistakes in this fic! All mine eheh! I feel better already. But, by every mean, if someone wants to give me any of the boys I'm not going to refuse…

**Author's Note**: Some POVs. Spoilers for An Assassin and a white Shaman, if any. Original characters introduced. They probably won't be staying long though… This is very much of an AU I won't follow the original timeline too much, be prepared for a not so nice Aya-chan. Oh nearly forgot **Aya is Ran** and **Aya-chan is Aya**, OK? Quite easy actually!

And now first Weiss mission!

Yotan: You know we had been killing for years before you started this. Not to mention what other fanfiction authors have had us doing…

Lilla: Must you be that precise? I mean from you Yotan… one doesn't expect it! You are not going to go all OOC on me now, are you?

Yohji: Who knows? I still have to have sex in this fic. It's just not normal!

Lilla: But… but you did! With Reina…

Yohji: Oh that! You didn't even write a little scene of that!

Lilla: He has a point… Argh lemon… nononono no way! Unless it is with Ran…

Yotan: -Perks up- With Ran? When ? Where? Please!!

Lilla: Hey wait a minute you two have to fall in love first…

Yohji: Are you really slow or are you just pretending?

Lilla: Ehm… Pretending? 

Many thanks to all those who have been my support and inspiration! **Sardius**, **Nekojita**, **Lady Gackt **and **Nya **it's only thanks to you if I made it this far!

Many additional thanks to **Neko** for the beta reading. As always any remaining errors are mine! Mine I said!

_Character's Thoughts_

_'Mind-speech' _

(Character's POV)

**************** Change of POV

++++++ Past memories.

**Chapter Five: Heaven on my right…**

The plane had touched down at Narita airport several hours ago. All of its passengers had already left the premises after having collected their belongings, that is all but one. A huddled shape, enveloped in a faded black cloak and cowl, was strangely overlooked by all, security personnel included. Close beside the bent form hugging its knees, could be seen the faint marks of ashes. Unnoticed by all, after having remained in place for several hours, the person simply disappeared. If anyone had bothered to look at the ashes, after the bent stranger had left, they would have realised that their contour had a vague human shape. In the hurry and hustle of Tokyo's central airport, no one took the time to even consider the shape of what looked like the contents of a dropped ashtray. Entropy had come to Tokyo

*******************

(Omi)

With a long-suffering sight I found myself massaging my aching neck. A whole night before my PC had definitely wiped me out, I reflected upon as I stretched, making my entire back pop in a most satisfactory manner. The fact that I had pulled an all-nighter, in order to completely wipe out any trace of our team's latest acquisition's very existence from government data-banks, just after finishing a gruesome mission, probably had something to do with my current despondency. If I took into account Ken-kun's behaviour last evening and of this night and morning, I felt that I had the right to be somewhat peeved. Not only he had started the customary fist-fight with our new team-mate but he had also felt the need to malign the man while I was trying to do my job. That, however, wouldn't have really made me angry if not for the fact that in spite of the obvious interest he has for me he still remains oblivious to all my advances. I don't think that Manx-san's idea of me getting close to Ken-kun *that* way is ever going to work. The worst part is that I find myself acting less and less on the spur of her orders, and more on that of my feelings, where my brunet friend is concerned. [1]

_I think I am falling in love with Ken-kun…_

If only I could remember what love is I could be sure of what I am feeling.

_I know somehow there must have been a time when I was loved and, yet, I can't remember any of it. I don't remember anything but my training in Kritiker and my time in Weiss. The only mother I can think of is Manx-san, and even if I believe that she cares about me, I know she wouldn't hesitate to sacrifice me for a mission, if it was necessary. I can't say I would do the same. Manx-san, Yohji-kun and especially Ken-kun would come all before the mission. They are my family!_

I looked back at the computer screen, where the emotionless visage of Ran-kun looked back at me. Such coldness there was in those eyes. I felt I should try to make him relax a little, after all, if we were to function as a team we would have to feel at ease with one another. 

_Oh dear I almost forgot! I must still give back Ran-kun's sword! Ken-kun said Yohji-kun had taken care of him when I'd wanted to go down and look at his scrapes. _

Considering the length of the fight the former evening, and Ken-kun's strength, I considered it a safe bet that I would find Ran-kun still out of it and in Yotan's bedroom. I picked up the wrapped katana and made my way to the apartment just in front of mine. I found myself uncertain as I lifted my free arm to knock on the door. Years of embarrassing encounters when trying to rouse Yohji-kun in the morning had given me a healthy dose of caution, as far as knocking on this particular door in the morning, went. Still, I was pretty certain that, with our new team-mate on the premises, Yotan wouldn't have any girl in there with him. 

_No naked girl this time… at least I hope so! I should be able to survive this encounter without further significant scarring of my psyche… _

Having gathered my courage, I finally decided to knock. There was no answer forthcoming, so after a couple minutes of silence I tried again. And again, and again, and again. I was almost ready to go looking down in the kitchen, despite the early hour, when Yohji-kun finally opened the door. He looked haggard and half-asleep. I felt a twinge of guilt; he had taken care of our downed team-mate and I hadn't helped him at all. Before I could start offering to take up his vigil, however, I had the shock of my life. Yohji-kun started crying and embraced me all the while murmuring Asuka under his breath. I faintly recalled having read in Kritiker's files that Yohji-kun had joined after the murder of his girlfriend, but I wasn't sure if 'Asuka' had indeed been her name. Still, this was all very worrying. If Yohji-kun started thinking other people were his old girlfriend, something would have to be done. 

_I will mention this to Manx-san when next I see her. _

_But if I do, they might take Yohji-kun away from the team… I might not see him for who knows how long… I don't want that!_

+++++++++++++

Persia's voice: "Remember the mission is the only important thing."

+++++++++++++

_No, he was wrong, my family is more important than the mission; for without them there is no mission, nothing makes sense, and I am no one…_

_I will protect Yohji-oniisan!_

I found myself straightening; I might have decided not to mention this incident to Manx-san but I still would have to help Yotan face this problem. And I had better do something before Ken-kun came along and decided that this was something other than our resident playboy having a nervous breakdown. Something more along the lines of seduction. 

Yohji was now mumbling something that sounded like "Never should have let you go before me… never!" Time to get Balinese back to Weiss. "Ano, Yohji-kun… Who is Asuka?" I could tell by Yohji's expression that he had gotten back to reality, and that finding me here as the audience of his blunder unnerved him a great deal. I could have sworn that our Don Juan was blushing. In fear of retaliation, as my own face was as red as a tomato, I forbore mentioning it. 

Not that it saved me from becoming the butt of one of Yotan's 'funny' repartees. "Oh my, bishonen! You are so cute that one mistakes you for a Lady!" the resident chain-smoker drawled lazily, his composure back in place, together with his sadistic sense of humour. 

I couldn't help a sigh, "Mou, Yotan that isn't true!" Seeing as Yohji-kun was getting the impish gleam in his eyes that always signals a long session of 'Make fun of Omi' I decided to cut to the heart of the matter, first the reason for my visit and then Yohji-kun's problems. "Ehm Yohji-kun I was looking for Fujimiya-kun. I have to give him back this…" I explained, while gesturing to the wrapped katana that I had dropped to the ground during my friend's little 'moment'. "I think it's his katana…" 

Before I could further elaborate, however, Yohji-kun heaved a weary sigh and commented. "The sleeping Orchid left his Prince for the safety of his room. You, oh dear resident fairy godmother, had better check on him, though he seemed to be OK. I am not the medical expert of the team." In spite of the droll tone and the wink tossed my way, I could tell that the playboy was somehow perturbed. Could it have anything to do with the redhead? Was the man the cause of Yohji-kun's little episode? 

_If he is the cause of Yotan's behaviour, he had better watch out, for I won't stand by and let him destroy my friends! Now to verify my theory…_

"What did you think of him? What kind of person is he?" There, a good start and all under the guise of genki Omi wanting to know something more about the new arrival. And our ex private eye demonstrated how deadly that façade could be by falling for it hook line and sinker. 

"Ah, little Omitchi is curious about the new guy. But hey, bishounen[2] you had better remain faithful to Ken-ken or we will need a new fourth all too soon…" 

I barely bit back an "if only Ken were really interested in me" at Yotan's comment; luckily the man was too much taken with his topic of conversation to notice and kept talking. "Anyhow, I don't know anything about the guy! Apart from the fact that he is gorgeous… and that his name is Ran…" A long pause ensued, then Yohji went on, a serious expression on his face, like when he gives me a mission report. "I think he will be a good addition to our team. We should all, however, give him his personal space… Ken especially…" 

I tried to make sense of the pronouncement and interjected. "You think he doesn't want to be in a team? Or is it only us?" 

Yohji shook his head, then replied. "No, I think he needs to be in a team. But it might be a while before he allows us close to him. And that only if we give him the space he needs now…" 

Not sure of having caught the real meaning behind Yohji's warnings, apart from the obvious 'prevent Ken and Ran from getting into any more fights', I waited patiently for further clarification. As nothing more seemed to be forthcoming, and I could tell that something about the guy made the chain smoker nervous, I wondered if I should venture some more information about our redhead to see what Yohji made of it. 

It was at that instant that I heard the doorbell ringing. With a bare nod of the head, I let Yohji-kun know that I would see about our visitor. After picking up the katana, no way I would let anyone else give it back to the trouble-maker, I decided it was time I met the man, I made my way down the stairs. Behind me I heard Yohji-kun whispering something that sounded suspiciously like "I will have you trusting me. And then we shall see where that takes us, Ran…" 

*******************

(Ran)

I got out of the blonde's room without even trying to keep the conversation going. Not even bothering to ask the man's name. No matter how cool I had tried to play it, I was still too deeply rattled by having woken up to someone trying to get me out of my pants to remain around another man for much longer. Also, the brief flash of lust I had felt looking up in verdant eyes had deeply unnerved me. 

_And so I reacted in customary fashion and got all fired up and angry. Will I ever have full control? _

_'You always were and will ever be a failure!'_

_Get. Out. Of. My. Mind. Now. _

My mind again my own, with less of an effort than usual, I went back to contemplating the situation at hand. It was sort of a pity; in spite of how badly things had been going for me, a part of me had almost hoped I would find some companionship in this new unit, as I had had with my former teams. However, after having been 'greeted' by Hidaka, any such thought had obviously left my head. Finding myself almost attracted to, and at the same time frightened by, another team-mate hadn't helped. Knowing that I had no choice but to remain here, if I wanted to ever see my sister again, managed to make the situation look even bleaker. 

_Still, it is better this way. As long as I don't like them, I won't worry about them. Nor will I care once they get themselves killed. _

_Feelings only hurt you… better to leave them behind… _

_I don't need anyone. _

It was at that moment that I arrived in front of the door of an apartment that the blond had said was going to be my residence. 

_Only until I can make good my escape from this life as an assassin; always at the beck and call of those who let my parents be murdered. Only until I find Aya and get her back…Supposing she ever forgives me for all I put her through. And why should she? I don't deserve to be forgiven, I don't deserve to be loved… _

A wave of anger and resentment almost suffocated me at the moment, but with customary training I let the feelings go, and with them disappeared the pain and self-hatred, at least for now. 

As I was about to open the door, I heard the door behind me banging open, followed by the heavy tread of noisy, sneakers-clad feet. I whirled around, ready for anything, and had to keep back an expression of distaste at finding myself facing the prick from the shop. 

_Perfect, just what I need…_

Hidaka even had the gall to give first an innocent smile and then a grin.

_So he enjoyed taking a piece out of me. Small wonder, they probably know how much of a failure I have been. _

As if my ice cold glare wasn't enough indication that I wasn't in a mood for a chummy chat, the man had the effrontery of making fun of my pain. "Hey, nice to see you up! Thought you would remain out of it for a while longer," he commented. As I held back from wiping that smirk from his face, I could feel my anger retreating in the background and a cold, grim feeling of humour entering me. I caught myself just short of smiling, or rather smirking.

_Well, next time something like this happens I will make sure not to let my sword get abducted…_

Welcome visions of Hidaka getting to know my three-foot blade put aside, I got back to following the idiot's blathering. "So who played nurse? I bet it was that decadent prick Yohji. So are you really the son of that bank manager Fujimiya, who killed himself a few years back? I thought the whole of the family had died. It made quite a stir on the news back then." 

_How can he talk about my murdered parents like that! About my sister, who has had her life stripped away from her. About Aya, who has been touched by the dirty hands of the murderer Kritiker has turned me into._

"Well, anyway, I shouldn't worry too much about your past. Omi is erasing any trace of you ever having existed as we speak…"

_And once I won't even have ever existed, I will be entirely dependent upon Kritiker's tender mercies._

"So did that playboy Kudoh try to get into your pants yet?"

_How the fuck did he know about what nearly happened? Are they spying on me? Or was it something they had agreed to before? A test from Kritiker to see how I would respond to such an advance?_

"He claims to be a lady's man only, but I am pretty sure that as long as he is provided with a breathing body, Yotan will make do…"

_I thought that the concern and interest had been genuine…They felt right… But then what do I know about other people? It figures that the person I could feel like growing to like would turn out to be a completely bad choice. _

"He even tries continuously to hit on Omi. All that bishounen crap…" Now the anger was back with a vengeance, and but for the shout coming from downstairs, I would probably have started another fight no matter how wiped out I was feeling. Still, at the youthful voice exclaiming "Manx-san is here", the brunet gave a brilliant smile and said the only words that could have stopped me. "We have a mission…"[3] 

*******************

Interlude 2

The young woman made her way uncertainly along the streets of the unfamiliar city. Her black curls and green eyes proclaiming loudly her foreigner status, she moved dazedly, trying to avoid the rushing citizens of Japan's capital city. She needed a place to stay and yet she knew but a few words of Japanese, none of them written. The big flashy plates proudly displaying the English 'Hotel' sign all looked too expensive for her meagre finances. She would have to ask someone for directions. Her first few tries didn't go very well: with a mutter she thought would translate to "I'm in a rush", most of the people she hailed passed her by. She kept walking, hoping to come upon someone who wasn't in a hurry. Unbeknownst to her, her drifting brought her to some of the less salubrious parts of the big city. In England or France, where she came from, the look of the people she saw loitering about would have seemed odd but not extraordinarily so: punks and goths wore similar clothing. Here the bright tattoos proclaimed the alliance of these people to the Yakuza, yet her lack of knowledge didn't allow her to make the connection. Here the people were much less polite and seemed to make fun of her for her foreigner appearance. The word 'gaijin' was shouted several times in her direction. Then someone decided that the lone girl might prove to be fun. At least for the evening. A lone, black dressed man approached her, and grabbing her arm dragged her forcibly, uncaring of her cries for help or her struggles, towards a dark alley. 

It didn't take long; slowly at first, so that no one realised what was happening, the building on the right of the alley seemed to fold upon itself. Then as the resounding crashes started to be heard and dust obscured the entrance of the darkened causeway, the building on the left too started to fall slowly like a wounded giant. Then the two buildings, to the side of the fallen ones, also started to crumble. The people, crying and shouting as they tried to get the farthest they could from the collapsing palaces, didn't stop to look at the untouched space where the alley once was. Had they bothered to look, they might have seen a black cloaked figure wearing a cowl that completely obscured the wearer's visage. At the figure's feet were a few vague human-shaped marks of ashes, which were being covered by the dust of the fallen buildings. Faintly, with an unearthly keen, letters drawn with something resembling the blackest ink seemed to appear all around the dark apparition. A gust of wind blew some of the mortar dust all around the black-clad figure. When it dispersed, no one remained to be seen. Only the black letters, in a writing unknown to anyone in the area and indeed in most of Japan, remained. 

That night, several more human-shaped ash stains could be found around Tokyo, had anyone thought to look for them. A few more earthquake-proof buildings mysteriously collapsed, under the ravages of time even if they hadn't been standing for more than a few tens of years. By morning two days afterwards, the police were no longer able to investigate all reported disappearances, and the building count was up to ten. It was then that one commissioner's help, Hanae Kitada, left her work place under the direction of her principal to deliver, of all things, a videotape…

*******************

(Aya)

I found myself sighing, as for the forth time that day I had the chance to closely admire the sickly green hospital tiles, not that all this therapy had a hope of doing any good. Rather, as I suspected and had indeed been confirmed by a smug Schuldig, what little could have been done for me had deliberately been kept back. As long as I was completely paralysed, my brother's employers would have the opportunity of keeping him on their leash. I had been shocked, deeply so, when Ran had come running into my hospital room less than a year ago, his face bearing the mark of freshly shed tears. It had been early in the morning, and without an explanation and little caution he had strapped me to a gurney and rolled me out of the hospital without a care for papers or anything of the sort. I had been frightened then, uncertain, and Schuldig's mocking voice telling me that I would finally find out how I had been living on blood money hadn't given me any reassurance. The voice had been right. My Oniisan…

_No I won't call him brother! He left me alone, he dishonoured the family's name, he lied to me… _

_'He saved your life…'_

_Maybe, Schuldig, but do you call this life?!_

_'Well, actually he didn't even do that, now that I think about it… On paper Fujimiya Aya died nearly three years ago, so… formally speaking…'_

_I died three years ago? How can that be?_

_'You didn't think Kritiker's agents would be allowed to have an identity they could use without the organisation's say so, did you? They make a point of only recruiting dead people… they really are a ghost organisation…'_

_I… I no longer exist? _

_'Nope, you are a ghost! Now try the unearthly moan and scare away the agent cum nurse that is making her way here to turn you around once more. At this point, all this shit isn't just plain useless any longer, but rather noxious, if you catch my drift…'_

_Can there really be no escape? They are using me as a carrot to ensure that their dear friend Ran doesn't decide to 'freak out' again._

_I don't think so._

_'Oh dear, the poor little puppet thinks she can turn into a puppet master?'_

_I will get back my life! *You* are either going to help me or you are going to get lost as of now. Am I clear enough? _

_'Ohh scary… And how do you think you can force me to get lost? Don't be ridiculous, puppet. You can just choose whether you'd rather be my puppet or theirs… So which is it going to be? Alone you have no hope deary… Sooner or later they'll break you, as they have been trying to do for a while.'_

_I don't think so, as for you… don't bother coming back unless you are going to help me. _

_GO. AWAY. _

It had worked, just as Ran had said, thinking of pain got the voice out of my head. It was easy and I had a great deal of emotional pain to use as ammunition. I might be alone now but I wasn't as defenceless as they thought me to be. My body didn't work, fair enough, I would have to use my mind. And in time I would see about getting my body repaired… 

It was then that the announced nurse came and turned me around. With a faint smile she told me she would be getting off her shift in ten minutes but that her colleague would be coming by for more therapy later on. At least I would have some time to decide how to stop the so called cures. 

I had to make sense of what was happening in detail and that meant rethinking all of Ran's statements and Schuldig's digs… I would have to start at the beginning with Ran's confession… He had admitted to having taken jobs on the shady side of law, had said that he had done it to support me and to avenge Otousan, no just plain Hikaru, he too didn't deserve to belong to the family. I knew that Hikaru had indeed laundered some money for Yukishiro-sama, who was a subordinate of my godfather's; I had chanced to overhear that much. His having committed suicide once he had been discovered was possible but about as likely as his having been eliminated to shut him up. Ran mentioned that he had been unearthing information on corrupt people and had been exposing them, all at the orders of his mysterious employers. But he found out something that shook him up enough that he lost all trust in them, he said they had known about Fath… Hikaru's being in danger and hadn't done a thing. Were they the ones who had exposed Hikaru to the authorities in the first place?

It seemed like the most probable thing. Which meant that these people for whom Ran was working were the ones who had destroyed my life, my body and my family's honour, what little remained of it. 

_They won't get away with it. I will see them all ground into dust. They shall be made to pay. _

_I won't be able to do it alone. I will need help. Schuldig's help… But I can't allow him to think that I need his help. How do I keep information from a telepath? By forgetting it, by burying it so deep that he can't get it out. I have to lie but it won't be enough, I have to believe those lies. So completely that I won't even be aware of lying._

_Even so, I will need inside information… Information is power and that could only come from Ran… But I told him he was a disgrace and that he shouldn't ever come to see me again. How do I_ _play this? Do I pretend to forgive him? If I start seeing him, I know I will probably forgive him; I almost did when he told me… Well he was a moron to accept help from *them* and refuse Takatori-sama's, but really he is the less… guilty of the group. Forgiveness won't hurt as long as he doesn't hinder my plans. _

_Also, I have to keep these bastards from doing any more damage… How do I go about it?_

_Pretend that they did break me. It is so simple… I will be the good cheery Aya-chan, all smiles and kindness, totally oblivious to everything around her. It won't be difficult, I swear those drugs they often give me have that effect. The only good part about them is that the nurses forget them most of the time. I will have to pretend that I only care about my 'brother's' delicate mental health. Piece of cake… _

_The fools won't know what hit them… _

By the time I had finished building my short term strategy, the next shift nurse came by to see to my therapy. It was the most hateful of the bunch actually, but in spite of that I didn't show any animosity, as I was wont to do, but rather gave her a brilliant smile and proceeded to work on getting rid of all the flipping. "Ano, Takamura-san… Do you think you could avoid turning me around this time? I am sooo all queasy from last time… And I'm feeling soo sleepy and all comfy." 

On the last entreaty I added my best weapon: the cute puppy dog eyes. Apparently Ran isn't the only sucker for that sort of gaze for wonders of wonders it worked. 

_Or maybe she figured that I no longer am all that fired up on getting better. Or that the drugs are finally doing their job._

Now I would have to wait for the redheaded Erika woman to show up in order to convince her to let me see my dearest Oniichan… After all, if, as she tried to convince me, he is suffering from a nervous breakdown, which has generated dangerous paranoid tendencies, who better than his little cute and harmless sister to reassure him?

_Before that I had better have a plan ready to fool those blasted shrinks of hers. It won't be too difficult… _

*******************

(Schuldig)

I was furious once I got thrown out of the Kaiserin's head. The little bitch had been learning tricks from her brother, apparently. But she wasn't half as good as she thought she was. I smirked and set about giving her a lesson. 

_No one shuts me out. I am the one who decides to leave._

With my usual smirk on my lips, I set about getting back in touch with the stupid kid. She would learn all too soon whom it was that was calling the shots. I extended my mind, reaching out for the familiar terrain of the girl's, only to bounce back on well constructed shields of pure anger and determination.

_Fuck off, I can't let her win. She is but my puppet! She must be made to respect her master!_

With greater energy I gathered my mind for another assault. Now I could feel the vague hint of her thoughts, much like it happens with Bradley when he lets me take a peek.

_What is it with people and their managing to keep me out of their heads lately? _

First the boy, who being a glutton for suffering hardly made for fertile ground to start with, and now the girl had managed to avoid my listening in on her too. How could those two talentless brats manage to shut me out? I decided to ponder that question to my heart's content at a later date and focused once more on the barrier around the Kaiserin's head. With great effort this time I felt it almost yielding. Unfortunately the kid had gotten smart at spotting my presence and she directed my way another flash of pain. Seeing as pain is the best shield against a telepath, unless you chance upon a masochistic one, it worked and I found myself once more lying on my bed with a burgeoning headache.

_Fuck, this is so not cool. But hey, an easy fight isn't worth the sweat it takes to win it. I'll try again, but first I'd better get some fuel in me._

As I made my way to the kitchen I decided that as punishment for this mutiny the kid would remain on her own for the next week, after I had broken down her barriers to teach her a lesson, that is. Let her face the drugs and the shrinks on her own and we'd see. On the other hand, a week might be enough to break her and once broken she would have no more attraction to me.

_I want to be the one who breaks that cool composure. I, and no one else. She is *my* plaything!_

After devouring my usual mid afternoon snack, which according to Brad-lily is a considerable drain to our finances, and a few extras courtesy of Nagi-kins, I made my way back to my room, whistling and thinking of how better to show who was master to the uppity spoilt princess. I was almost back in my lair, that is to say room, when I heard Crawfish call for me down the corridor. 'No way not now' I sent him through our telepathic link. Oddly enough I could feel a vague sense of acquiescence on the side of my pissy leader. The vague nature of his sending made me suspect that he might be having one of his episodes, as I like to call his visions. 

_Mmmh let's see if I can catch a peek. _

A black creature nearing a man who falls down dead, his body turning into ashes, within a few seconds. That mental image is followed by several more confusing snippets. Shaking my head, I leave Crawford's thought alone, the headache was now back with a vengeance. The faint smugness I could feel coming from Crawford let me know he allowed me to take a peek on purpose, the slimy bastard.

_Well never mind, I got better things to take care of…_

This once, when I tried to enter little Aya's shields, I found no difficulty. Still, I was somewhat surprised to find the girl coherent, without my help she should have been drugged up to her gills. Another surprise came when I realised the girl had deliberately lowered all her defences to let me in, apparently there was something she wished to discuss… I would have been amenable for the conversation, even if I was somewhat peeved about her tries, ineffectual as they might be, to snatch the control of the situation away from me, but at that very same instant I got a summon from the boss. One I couldn't ignore… 

_'Schuldig, come in here, we are going to hunt a talent!'_

_'Well a talent is so much more fun than a dull normal person, nothing personal Aya-chan' _

As I relayed the first thought and drawled the second one into her mind I could feel her shock at seeing her carefully planned conversation going down the drains. The faint hint of hatred and jealousy she felt for the nameless talent almost set me to laughing. 

_And so I get back control…_

*******************

Interlude 3

The old man shuddered in his threadbare clothing. It had been days since he had had a warm meal and exposure was beginning to take its toll. The man had been homeless ever since he had contracted a long debilitating disease a few years back. He had lost his job after two months of illness. Unluckily, as he often thought, the money he had managed to put aside had been just enough to pay for all his cures till he had gotten well enough to be allowed to leave the hospital. By the time he got home he didn't have enough left for the rent of his apartment. Not having a fixed address had rendered getting a new job almost impossible. Also, him having just had a debilitating disease didn't encourage an employer's interest. His no longer young age made things even more difficult. And so here he was, depending on what little charity his fellow humans might give him, forced to shallow his pride and beg for the bread that kept him alive. Did he even want to live like this, he found himself asking, consumed by hunger, growing old before his time… The answer was no. This thought had barely crossed his mind when a black garbed human shape appeared before him from the dark. A seducing, unearthly voice murmured "Hast thou called me, son?" The man answered without even stopping to think. A soft yes escaped his lips. 

A few seconds afterwards, the empty alley was unoccupied, the only signs of what had passed there were the composed corpse of the old man and a few odd black letters in a circle no more than a step away from the peaceful looking body. The wind blew gently through the street, a person looking closer might have seen that the old man had a white rose[4] in his hands. Unfortunately, no one came by, and by the next morning, when some of the other homeless people in the area thought to look for Ichiro, all that they could find was an ash mark and a few odd letters in his usual haunt, probably left by some new-age type or another. No one thought to report the strange disappearance. The police forces had better things to do than look for a beggar. Even if there had been no more fallen buildings, the number of missing people kept slowly augmenting. 

*******************

(Yohji)

I had barely made my way back to the comfy bed I hadn't had a chance of touching this past night, all thanks to one violent, idiotic jock of a team-mate and his grouchy victim, after my embarrassing episode with Omi, when the voice of the chibi floated up with a clear "Manx-san is here…"

_Damn! Duty calls, there truly is no rest for the wicked… not even the gorgeous ones._

With a sigh and a longing gaze to my unmade bed, I put on a top: the shortest in my collection, and after carefully arranging my blond curls so that they looked fashionably tousled I opened the door. I made out the forms of the previously mentioned disturbers of my rest coming down from the second floor and I assumed a languid looking position leaning on my door jamb, the better to show off my wonderful physique to the gorgeous redhead. As luck would have it the first to descend the stairs was Ken-ken and our resident Orchid hardly took the time to take in my appearance. 

_I must really work on the man's appreciation of details… It might come in handy in a mission, hm must find an excuse that sounds a little less lame._

Still, on a brighter side I qualified for a bare nod from tall, red and handsome, which I am pretty sure could be counted as a remarkable event. After having let them pass, I followed in their wake, the position ideal for some more "sightseeing", and oh boy, the back side of the coin was really a sight. 

_Down boy, down, our new team-mate, and one hopes friend, isn't going to be happy at such eagerness if his behaviour this morning was any indication. _

We made our way down to the mission room in silence, and once we got there I got another eyeful. Manx's skirt was at least three inches shorter than usual, and a couple above indecent exposure charges. Still, for once I wasn't as happy to see her as usual. Little Yotan standing at attention was rather due to the presence of one withdrawn man than to her spectacular skirt. Regarding said male redhead, I realised that given the somewhat rigid posture his back had just acquired he must have had a previous acquaintance with our contact, and things mustn't have gone well in their relationship.

_Maybe Manx had an affair with him and is now trying to get him back after a serious break-up. Nah, don't think so, I don't see Manx as the sadistic type, nor our guest as the type falling for the obvious skirt. Still, I am quite sure there is something between the two of them..._

Before I had more time to ponder on the intricacies of past working relationships, though, Manx was ready to start playing the videotape with our mission orders. Seeing as there was no way we could all sit on the couch I got ready to stand. Just then I realised that our new team-mate had positioned himself against the wall close to the stairs, thus putting some distance between the others and himself. 

_No good, he is trying to wilfully isolate himself. Well, Kudoh to the rescue, he is too cute to be left alone to play wallflower, unless there is a handsome guy with him…_

I made my way to his side and leaned on the wall just to his right. He gave me a faintly chilly look, but I could have sworn that one with just a little less ice would have screamed surprise and nervousness. Still, the ice was there and I would have to deal with it. With a loud stage whisper I tried to get him to talk about the reason for some of his nervousness, "You chose this place so you could scope out the goods, eh?" I opened, gesturing towards Manx. The ice got several meters thicker, I could safely say I had chosen the wrong conversation opener. The answer was even chillier and definitely unwelcome. "I am no playboy." Great, so someone, and the smug look on Ken-ken's face was indication enough as to whom it had been, had already gone around carrying tales. And just there I probably did give solid proof to go with those juicy tidbits he had been letting escape. 

_Hoisted on my own petard, just great! _

Luckily, when it comes to pick-up lines my brain is as fast as Omi's when he is looking for a file, so that I came out with a fairly good rejoinder. "Of course those goods aren't even remotely as appealing as you are."

_OK, maybe that was a lame pick up line… Not my fault if I go for the cheesy approach, those fan girls seem to like it._

I was almost waiting for a punch or something, but apparently I had managed to strike our new team-mate speechless, and was that a vague blush I saw on his cheeks? 

_Or maybe he found that so lame that it didn't even warrant a comment in his book…_

Manx, on the other hand, was seriously pissed off. Must have been for having her looks maligned after she had gone to such an effort. The best part of it, however, was Ken's expression of surprise; the nosy bastard's face was so red I thought he would have an apoplectic stroke from one moment to the other. 

_Truly one of those Kodak moments…_

Unfortunately, my attention was brought back to the matter at hand by the very insulted Manx. "Balinese, we have things to discuss, important things, so leave the cheesy comments for your free time. Now if I have your attention… You have already met your new team-mate, code name Abyssinian. Abyssinian these are Bombay Tsukiyono Omi, Balinese Kudoh Yohji and Siberian Hidaka Ken. You are Weiss. From this day onward Abyssinian will be taking over the duties of mission leader." Before an irate Ken could manage to interject anything, Manx got the ball back in her court, so to speak, "That matter isn't open to discussion. Now for the mission. We expect you to track down and kill the person or persons responsible for the recent disappearances all over Tokyo. These events could be related to the spate of falling buildings there has been lately. You are to investigate and pinpoint a target. After you have found enough proof, you are to eliminate all people implicated in these events. Now watch the video and all known information." 

The video didn't shed much light on the events, and as I looked at all the faces of the missing people I had the unpleasant feeling that we wouldn't find any of them alive. The choice of targets was too random for a serial killer. The number of regular haunts were staggering, and the supposed locations where the kidnappings had to have taken place too far apart. It wasn't going to be an easy case to solve, unless we stumbled on a lead out of sheer luck. As Persia encouraged us to find and kill the dark beasts responsible for all these supposed kidnappings, I felt the barest whisper coming from the newly christened Abyssinian, "They aren't alive… We won't find them…" It echoed so closely my first gut feeling that I found it almost disquieting. Still, when Manx asked us if we were in, we both answered yes. 

_Maybe we both like lost causes. _

The chibi, of course, said he would do it too, he had always had a soft spot for kidnapping cases. At that point Ken predictably joined in, even if he was less than thrilled at the idea of taking orders from Ran, as he loudly proclaimed. Luckily a pissed off Bombay managed to shut him up by reminding him that we had to start digging for more information. I was fairly confident that with the whole of Weiss on their tails, the killers, for I didn't doubt there must be more than one, would have no chance of escaping. 

*******************

(Nagi) 

I was in the kitchen looking for some snacks and finding none, a certain sign that Schuldig had already passed through, when I heard a mental call from the very same telepath I was busy maligning. 

_The blasted German ate all of my Bounty snacks again. Darn, and they are the best thing to eat while I am doing calculus problems…_

_'Now Nagi-kins, be respectful of those older and wiser, not to mention more beautiful than yourself! I need my beauty snacks, you know?'_

_I think the expression you are thinking of is "beauty sleep." _

_'Oh that too, to be sure. Anyway, leave the rummaging for later, we are as of now called upon by the great Chieftain Flashing Glasses for a urgent debriefing in his office.'_

With a faint snort at the German's annoying attitude, I made my way down the corridor to where Crawford-sama's office was located. Only to be once more solicited by the resident communications expert. 

_'Hey, Brad-lily wanted us five minutes ago, so move that scrawny ass of yours!'_

As I entered the room, Crawford looked at me and immediately launched in the explanation of our new mission. I thought it would be the usual intimidation at the behest of Takatori, but apparently this had come from up high. As high up as the Triad of talents that led Esset. It seemed as if the fabled Entropy, after avoiding all attempts the organisation had made to capture this talent, had made his way to Japan. We were now to secure this talent for our masters. Our mission was aided by the fact that in all previous blunders, Esset had narrowed the potential identities of Entropy down to three people. As luck would have it, only two of them were in Japan: Kougen Maro and Le Du Drien. Now it was up to us, Schwartz… 

TBC…

**Notes:**

[1] So… who is Ken-ken's mystery lover? 

[2] Bishounen= beautiful boy… Did it even warrant translation? 

[3] Well he may be called Ran instead of Aya… but it's still him, right?

[4] A white rose is one of the symbols of Death.

And if this was heaven wait to see what happens in hell…

Ken: Great, first I was a jock, then a bloodthirsty monster and now I end up as a badmouthing busybody. Think you could leave me alone for a while…

Lilla: Mmmh yes no problem I will torment someone else…

Ken: Thank God

Lilla:… for a while…

Ken: Sobs.

Brad: I feel a sense of evil foreboding…

Lilla: You really are an Oracle…

As for who Ken's mystery lover is… **She/he who guesses, gets… mmh a Weiss Omake with the pairing she/he wants for Christmas… **As if anyone would want to have that, eheh… 


	7. Hell on my left

**Title:** "With my eyes wide open" 

** Author: **Lilla. 

** Category:** Angst/ AU. 

** Warnings:** R 

** Pairings:** YxR and SxA. 

** Archive:** If you want it, take it. Just let me know where you put it, please. 

** Feedback:** C&Cers are worshipped… I want my writing and plotting skills to grow! Help me out! 

** Disclaimer:** All people and events in this fic are purely fictional! 

But you already knew that… ^.^;; 

I don't own any of the Weiss characters! 

Sobs… 

I am just playing with them OK? I won't ruin them… much… 

** Author's Note**: Some POVs. Spoilers? For the TV series, maybe, if any... Original characters. This is very much of an AU I won't follow the original timeline too much, be prepared for a not so nice Aya-chan. Oh nearly forgot **Aya is Ran** and **Aya-chan is Aya**, OK? Quite easy actually! 

Sorry for the long delay between postings but my PC caught one of those nice viruses which attack the boot sector of the disk… So this is a rewrite… not a good one, I am afraid, but the best I could do under the circumstances. 

Many thanks to **Enna Namo** and all my other reviewers! 

Many additional thanks to **Neko** and **Sardius** for the **beta** reading! And to **Sardius-chan** for being a great **Muse**! 

_ Character's Thoughts_

_ `Mind-speech' _

(Character's POV) 

**************** Change of POV 

++++++ Past memories. 

§And this is a prophecy, or rather a BIG vision…§ 

** Chapter Six: Hell on my left…**

(Aya) 

When I felt Schuldig's touch leaving my mind, I could have almost screamed in anger. After I had finally managed to lure my so called master back where I wanted him, on my terms, he simply decided that there was more interesting prey elsewhere. 

_ This talentless bullshit of his is starting to get old…_

I might not be able to influence other people's mind directly, but I've always managed to get what I wanted with just words. That took real skill, I thought, still feeling vaguely miffed. The idea that Schuldig had found another pet project that he found more interesting than me sort of rankled, even if I wasn't exactly sure why it should. I should have been relieved to finally be left in peace. Maybe it was just that I was afraid of being alone. And the idea of having to realise my "plan" all on my own didn't seem as attractive as doing it with Schuldig's help would have been. 

All in all, maybe it's just that he got me hooked on manipulation. Well, to be honest with myself, I always did manipulate Ran; I got him to go out with others, as is normal for a young man. I forced him to try and make friends. I wanted him to find a girlfriend. All that in the name of what was proper, as Okaasan had taught me. Was what I did morally reprehensible? But then, what defines morality if not customs and traditions? 

_ You just wanted the perfect little Oniichan as a part of your perfect little family._

Yes I did and was I not right to want it? 

What about what *he* wanted? 

What he wanted didn't get him any further than working as a waiter and making moon eyes at a male co-worker… I interfered for his own welfare. As much as I did it for me, I also did it for him. I wanted him to have a normal happy life, to be able to live up to Hikaru's expectations… 

Maybe if I repeat it long enough, I will believe that… 

_ That doesn't change the actual situation though. These people who are holding me prisoner in this hospital, they are forcing Ran to dishonour the family, after they shamed us all by exposing Hikaru. I will have them pay. _

And Schuldig… He *will* help me, will he not? 

******************* 

(Schuldig) 

The gaki was back on the net again. Trying to determine which of our two little birds to catch. 

Entropy, the talent whose very identity is unknown; such a load of crap. If those incompetents fools in Esset had done their job half-way decently, they would have captured him years ago. 

It must be the man, Mako or something. As an exchange student these last five years, he had been moving all over Europe, studying art, on paper, but in truth dealing in death and weapons for his grandfather, the Oyabun. A trained killer for an important Yakuza family. He was the person I would look for if I was searching for someone who had left a few hundred rotting bodies in his wake. 

A little uncouth Briton Miss, coming from a quaint little village, as a feared serial killer didn't really make any sense. Wonder why the fools even left the kid as one of the possibilities; she might have made some odd choices in her university education, anatomic-pathology and some ancient language crap, but still her profile was all wrong. 

I barely bit back a yawn; we had been up for most of the night as Brad-lily had insisted that we all remain ready to start out, should there be a positive confirmation coming from Nagi as to the identity of Entropy or to the location of our two targets. Going without sleep for most of the night was OK for me, as long as I could enjoy myself, but having nothing to do for hours on end, and remaining up after six in the morning surfing the net goes against my grain. 

Time to make my displeasure clear enough. 

_ `Baad-Braaad, I'm boored!'_

After all, we had found a possible location for Kougen several hours ago, and it was in the centre of one of the two areas where Entropy's powers had almost certainly be used. Four buildings falling down like domino pieces on their own were a mite suspicious looking. 

I just wanted to go and have a look, a peek really… Would do anything just so that I could get out of this fucking computer room. 

_ `If I have to stay here for another night, I demand that the grüne Gemuse_[2]_ sees to some new decorations for this fucking room. No way in hell I'll spend another twelve hours looking at all these nursery style glowing stars!'_

My complaints not having elicited a response, I decided to persevere. 

_ `Braaaad, can I at least go and take a look around? I mean, if I follow the rotting bodies I'll get to the man anyway, and it will take less than if we leave the chibi out there on the net searching for… whatever he has been slaving over these last few hours.'_

With a bare glance in my direction, Bradley observed, "There hasn't been one rotting body to be found in Tokyo these last few days. Not a single corpse has been found." 

_ `Sooo, he hasn't been killing lately? Maybe he doesn't want to ruin his turf here in his birth country?'_

"You haven't been paying attention Schuldig, I have said there hasn't been ANY corpse found… It is as if no one has died in the city, no one… There hasn't been a single car accident or whatnot that ended up with a dead body found. There have only been disappearances. And this in the whole of Tokyo." 

_ `But what about the fallen buildings; there must have been bodies in there!'_

"No bodies were found, and yet entire families were supposedly in them when their houses went down around their heads." 

_ `If there hasn't been the usual spate of bodies, why do both you and the old timers think that Entropy is the culprit?'_

Brad simply stared through me and then said, "I know he is. He or she has simply learnt a few new tricks." In the chilling voice he always has after just having had a vision, he added, "He didn't leave enough to be found, this time. You saw that as well as I did, when you tried to eavesdrop on me yesterday." 

That pronouncement almost caused a shiver to run down my back, half in pleasure at the thought of the rush that sort of power had to give, and half in fear, that this time we might have bitten off more than we could chew. 

The excitement won hands down; if I could get close enough to Entropy to read him, I would get to feel all the power needed to turn a body into dust with my own mind. I didn't want to miss on this opportunity; the high that touching talented minds at work gives me is the best that can be imagined. 

_ Wonder if that is the reason why Crawfish won't let me in; he doesn't want me to share on all the natural drug of his talent at work. _

Crawford could wait for another day; however, now there was a much more succulent prey to hunt down and enjoy. That idea firmly in my mind, I announced that I would be going out to buy a few snacks and, seeing as the mighty Führer didn't object, I went out with the firm intention of tracking down and analysing the two possible talents. 

******************* 

(Kougen Maro) 

I looked out at the destruction of our main opponent's business. The fall of those four building's had been a God sent. Now the Oyabun would have the opportunity to claim control of the smaller organisation, and we would be left in complete control of this part of the city. 

Those buildings had had weak foundation; I had known about it, and had been prepared to capitalise on that. The study of architecture for five years had helped me to recognise a badly constructed building. They had probably added the last two stories afterwards, thinking to profit over it and to lord over smaller fishes, the idiots. But then, their idiocy had served me well; I hadn't even had to plant explosives as I had planned to do. The whole of their headquarters had gone down on its own. 

To tell the truth, I had almost known that this would happen; even when I had been toying with the idea of the explosives… A part of me had almost known they wouldn't really be necessary. That they would all die, very soon. Fall prey to the flame, that raging bonfire of destruction that I had felt compelled to follow through half of Europe. 

Given the sort of mishap I had weathered over the last five years, the conclusion that I had amazing bad luck, or that I was an outright jinx, would have been sort of a given., but for the half buried knowledge that it was the presence I had been chasing, hopelessly attracted to, that had created all those events and that somehow, someway, it had wished me spared. 

I had been no more than five feet away from some of the falling pieces of the Tower degli Asinelli in Bologna as it had collapsed. In Paris, I had barely stepped off a grid holding up several other tens of tourists before it fell, from close to the top of the Eiffel Tower, to the ground nearly three hundred meters below. I had survived a plane crash, and had narrowly missed a plane that had failed its take off and had crashed without survivors. I had found myself enmeshed in two train accidents, and several car crashes. The number of shoot outs, not business related, that I had found myself in was daunting. Yet miraculously, I had always been completely unscathed. 

_ Thinking about it, I probably should feel indestructible. I don't; it makes me feel mortal… and yet at the same time oddly special, powerful… And for someone like me who was always been overlooked, that's… important. _

And now I couldn't shake this feeling that soon, very soon, I would be the Oyabun. Yes, my grandfather would die before the night was out, snuffled out by the flame that had been raging throughout Tokyo all week, tantalising, almost out of reach, but never out of mind. Finally, I would have power. 

It was then that I felt once again the sort of vague stirrings in the air that I had learned, during my European trip, preceded someone's coming after me, or some sort of cataclysm. But this wasn't the forest fire I had followed through half of Europe, like a moth attracted by the flame; this was more of a candle, and one which was gradually growing weaker the more it approached. 

_ Like all those others in Austria that time… becoming weak while the fire rages on and finally rises to devour them all…_

Someone coming after me then, I thought as I checked my gun to make sure it was in working order. A smile formed on my lips and it wasn't a nice smile; all too soon some fool would die messily at my hands. Why those weak people kept trying to get a piece of me I had never managed to phantom, not that I had ever cared enough to even bother to inquire about their motives. 

Taking my time, I stealthily approach the location where I had felt the pinprick of light before; now the faint feeling of the power at the edge of my sight was muted and almost gone. I could still pinpoint the source of it; some orange haired gaijin wearing a very odd combination of white pants and dark green jacket, with an horrid yellow bandanna to top it off. 

Not wishing to lose any time, I decide to see what this was all about before taking care of the problem permanently. "Who are you?" I curtly demand. 

My face doesn't give any indication of the almost physical pleasure the nearness of this little flame of his gives me. Hungrily, I can feel something inside me reaching out for it and snuffling it, drawing it into myself to assuage the black hole at the core of my being. The sensation assaulting my senses would probably make another person cry out in pleasure, but I have trained myself never to show what I feel, and the stone mask remains in place as for a minute I feel almost satiated. I know the emptiness and hunger will come back all too soon. 

_ It isn't the great fire that has fed me completely for the last five years, but it will have to do... for now…_

The man looks at me intently, as if trying to divine my thoughts; then a faintly puzzle expression appearing on his face he replies, "Oh a friend to be sure, a very good friend; for example, I could make you the next leader of this little gang of cut-throats you have here all too easily." 

"Why should I need your help?" I reply carelessly as I get out my gun and train it at the redhead almost negligently. 

For a minute, the man smirks as if in a private joke, then as I wait for fear to make an appearance before killing him, the nearly relieved expression that reaches those previously ice cold jade eyes gives me pause. 

_ Either he doesn't think I would actually kill him, and that means he is an idiot, or else… he wants to die._

Sheer perversion on my part to not give a person what he wishes for, as I never got it myself, spurs me to simply tell him off instead of going through with my stated intention. 

_ It is a dangerous precedent to make… If word goes out that I make empty threats, or worse that I am squeamish, I will be ruined!_

Regardless of what my logical mind is telling me, I simply say, "This is my turf… You come back here, you die. Is that clear enough?" 

The man turns around and makes as if to leave. For a minute, I think that will be all, but then he turns around to face me once again, and with something that could almost be called longing, were it less filled with heavy sarcasm, he tells me, "Pity, it was a silent place. I enjoy those now and then…" 

In the time it takes to blink, he was gone. I could still feel his flame going further and further away and growing stronger. Steadily escaping my… grasp. Making my way back to the room which had been assigned to me, I could already feel the hunger churning, demanding to be fed. 

_ Maybe I should go out for breakfast… Not that it is going to help at all… _

******************* 

(Ran) 

After my first day in the shop, I woke up still feeling tired; there hadn't been much to do to keep things going, but the sheer numbers of idiotic schoolgirls coming in to ogle my co-workers was daunting. The fact that all the harassment was for nothing, as they bought very little in the way of flowers, had further annoyed me. 

_ Why the heck don't they boot them out and be done with them?_

Another source of unease was Manx's pronouncement of my role as the new leader of Weiss. It just didn't make sense. 

The team had a previous leader, probably that blond Omi kid, who was still living. Why replace him? If he had made a big enough mistake to warrant that sort of treatment, I was pretty confident that the organisation would have quietly taken care of him without bothering with demotion. 

So that was to say, that it probably was a way to gain better control over myself. 

Why that would be considered important enough to give a team under my control, at least on the surface, was something I could only speculate about. But I knew that it was imperative that I try to find out what their plan might be. 

On the other hand, if the leader had been either Hidaka or Kudoh, I could envision the organisation wanting to keep them on as cannon fodder, while putting them in a more laid back position. 

Neither of those two struck me as having any control of themselves, let's forget about anyone else; Hidaka especially… Of course, his behaviour of the day before yesterday made more sense if you cast him as the team leader, and considered his rage as resentment for my having usurped his place. 

_ Still, frankly he doesn't strike me as someone who would have the nerves or the intelligence for leading a group, and Kritiker seldom makes that sort of mistake. _

Kudoh, on the other hand, was intelligent, no doubt about it, and canny; he had made a couple interesting observations while we studied our mission information yesterday evening, and he had been the first one to realise that there was something fishy going on. 

But no matter how useful in the mission planning, he was still a laid back, flighty person who could hardly be counted upon… Hardly proper leader material. 

Which left the probable leader as Omi. I had the strong impression that under all that genki exterior, the boy was made of steel, as hard jaded and ruthless as most of the upper echelons of this goddamned shady organisation. What the kid thought about the recent developments was anybody's guess, but having to venture an opinion, I would say that he must have been let in on the ruse. 

_ I should look to him to figure out what they are planning. I don't like this; he puts me in mind of Aya-chan, with his happy and carefree exterior… _

Thoughts of my sister and our last painful meeting just before our recapture, when she renounced any relationship with what I had become, aren't something I can bear. Especially if I have to be able to function for the rest of the day, I remind myself sharply, as the accustomed rendering heartache assaults me once more. 

+++++++++++++++++++ 

"You! How could you do that, Ran! We have nothing left already, and now you pawned away what little honour we had, for blood money… " Aya cries, "How could you?!!" 

"Aya, please understand, I had no choice. We were destitute; I had to look after you… I couldn't have found any employment and…" 

"Oh, and so now it is my fault!! You are the one who decided! You think I would have wanted that?!" 

+++++++++++++++++++ 

"No, Ran, I can't forget what you told me, I can't forgive what you did, no matter that you may claim you did it for me! You didn't! You did it for yourself, to make yourself seem stronger, to obtain revenge as you have said, but I refuse to be the cause of this! You hear me?! I won't be the banner you wield in this senseless crusade of yours! I no longer am your sister, Ran…" 

+++++++++++++++++++ 

_ Aya, please forgive me… Aya, don't leave me. I need you! You are all that is left of my soul! Aya!!!_

One day I shall have love… I can no longer even make myself believe it, why bother repeating this stupid mantra? Aya is as gone from my life as my parents; I am alone, I will always be… 

+++++++++++++++++++ 

"Attachment sullies your mind. Follow the way of the middle; let neither hate nor love be your companions. Neither joy nor sorrow. Feel nothing and find peace…" 

"But Shion-sensei, if I feel nothing, how will I know that what I do is right?" 

"Action itself has meaning, feelings do not, Ran; you must be enough for yourself." 

+++++++++++++++++++ 

With an effort, I got my thoughts back on track, disregarding the remains of my shattered soul. 

_ Feel nothing… No attachment… No pain. _

I feel nothing, no, I *am* nothing… 

The idea of having to be on my guard around that Omi boy seems somehow ridiculous, and yet I can hardly discount the evidence pointing to his being the puppeteer for Weiss. 

And then there was the mission itself, I considered, while turning on my side to face the faintly illuminated window. 

_ Time to get up and do some stretching and practice all too soon._

People kept talking about the disappearances, but there had been no deaths for days now, in all of Tokyo. Not even in car accidents; the drivers of the destroyed vehicles hadn't been found at the wheel, they seemed to just have upped and left, gone without a single trace. 

We had been unable to explain this sort of evidence, of course, and I had the impression that my psychologist would wish to see me again, to try and convince me that such things as telepathy do not exist, if I had given the only explanation I could think about. 

_ People are dying, we just haven't found their bodies. They are consumed… Destroyed maybe? But why, and by whom?_

Seeing as lying in bed was hardly going to solve any of my problems, I got ready to get up, feeling all too keenly my isolation as I recalled my wake up call of the day before yesterday, a somewhat traumatic one indubitably, but still one where, for a few precious seconds, I had felt the closeness of another human being. 

With a faint shake of my head, I dragged myself out of bed and proceeded to put that experience behind me, as I faced the somewhat daunting prospect of finding something to wear. In a fit of idiotic pique, I had left all my clothes behind. They had belonged to a free man, and I didn't want any reminders left of previous times while in captivity. 

_ Still, the money I will spend to buy at least the bare necessities would have been better spared…_

With a faint sigh, I put back on my worse for wear black jeans and shirt, and decide to see about some shopping before making my way to the sites of some of the more catastrophic events of the last few days for further investigation, as for the mission plan. 

******************* 

(Drien) 

I came to with a start; my head faintly aching, and found that I was lying on cold concrete. Smoke and faulty eyesight obscured my vision completely. Carefully, I took stock of myself; I hurt all over, but could feel all of my limbs. 

_ That is usually a good sign…_

Carefully, I tried to recall what I had been doing at the last and came up with a blank. I vaguely remembered getting on a plane, no way of saying how long ago that had been, and that was all. 

Not even a hint of where was I supposed to be. 

There was no reason for me to have taken a plane, though, it didn't make any sense. Actually, I had been scared stiff of planes ever since I had had to go through a failed emergency landing, which resulted in a crash, in Dublin. The plane had crashed and the scattered recollection of all that had passed afterwards were the stuff of nightmares. Even working as a forensic expert doesn't inure you to certain sights. 

Carefully putting behind me those disturbing memories, I went back to taking stock of the present situation. Last I could remember was reaching Prague, by train of course, for that seminary on forensic medicine. 

_ This isn't a good symptom at all… _

Maybe, I rationalised, I hadn't taken a plane at all, and was still in Prague, which would actually make sense, and had been involved in another accident. 

_ Probably just getting out of the station; it bloody figures! Story of my life, actually!_

It was then that my eyes finally focused on the burning wreck of a bus lying a few hundred meters from my actual location, which as best as I could tell was a sidewalk. 

The bus was a flaming wreck, with plenty of firemen hanging around it; luckily they must have evacuated all those involved, as not even a cry for help could be heard. A couple mauled cars were present also, but those too were empty; the rescuers had been incredibly efficient. And yet, there wasn't a single ambulance in sight, I mused distractedly. 

Cautiously , mindful of possible broken bones, concussion and all whatnots, I tried to lift myself up. The heavy black smoke coming from the burning wreck made breathing fairly difficult, nonetheless, I managed to get to my knees and take a good look around. 

_ OK, I am not in Prague; somewhere in Asia, I would guess. Pity, I never got to learn to read kanji; this seems like either China or Japan, if I had to hazard a guess, maybe Taiwan… _

I tried to go about it in a collected fashion. I had left Paris to go to Prague, had gotten there, and then didn't even have the faintest idea of what might have happened. 

_ How much have I forgotten? A few hours, days, weeks… years? I think I might just be entitled to a good freaking out session… But that would hardly do any good, now would it?_

There was no way to tell how much of my life I had lost. I would have to simply reconstruct my past travels, and the rationale behind them, with some specialised help. 

_ Pity, with all this I still remember perfectly well just who I am and a few other couple details I'd love to ditch._

Slowly, so as not to jar my aching head, I looked around at the sidewalk. There were just a couple other people, bleeding and out cold, to my right, much as I must have been before, plus some ash markings. 

_ Must be things that got blown off the bus. They are oddly human shaped though… Just being a bit too fanciful, I suppose._

Judging by the sky, I would place the time of day to be early morning; the silvery intensity of the rising sun illuminated the deserted street. No paramedics seemed to be on site, which was just odd. Seeing as I no longer felt as if my head was about to explode, I decided I might as well go and get a look to the wounded couple; probably homeless people, considering their shabby apparel. 

_ I don't really want to do this. The dead I can deal with. Living people and the stress of keeping them on this side of life isn't something I can face that easily. Especially when just touching them will let me know just how useless my efforts are going to be. _

Gathering my courage, I reached out for the woman first. She had a long gash on the back of her head; it was bleeding very shallowly. As I touched her scalp, I sucked in a breath, for now I knew, without a doubt, that in just a few short hours she would be dead of this wound. What I could have gone without knowing, was the fact that being homeless, she would die alone and untended in the entrance of an Emergency Room. 

Panting, both because of the vision and out of anger and grief at the fate of this nameless woman, I steeled myself and approached the man. He was younger than I would have guessed at first sight, not the woman's husband then, and while Asian, his features looked rounder, more western than the woman's. There was a resemblance, though, probably mother and son; I considered stalling for time. 

_ Reach out damn you! _

§Old before his time, lying drunk in a filthy back alley. The sharp pain of a knife entering his chest, and then blessed darkness.§ 

_ Not dying now then, but is what I saw any better? _

Carefully, like a woman twice my age, but then I considered I might very well be twice as old as I remembered being, I got to my feet and moved to approach the closest of the working firemen. I had to see that the man was taken to the hospital. The woman… well, I knew all too well that there was no stopping those events I saw from happening. 

_ At times I wonder why I even bother trying…_

It was as I neared the flaming ruins that I saw something which made my blood run cold in my veins. Black letters in a circle on the pavement. Foreign writing, ancient writing, but to me all too familiar. 

_ Please God, let it not be what I think it is!_

I was surrounded by darkness, on the brink of a discovery I wouldn't like; a little part of myself whispered insidiously that I should just turn around and ignore what I thought I had seen. But I had to know; I opened my eyes and read "Malkut" 

My vision darkened, and I felt myself falling. Vaguely, I saw a person running towards me as if to catch me. It didn't matter. 

_ It's all a nightmare, it must be!_

******************* 

(Yohji) 

I was making my way back to the Koneko in the early morning from one of my supposed dates. Last night I hadn't felt like putting up with someone who had no idea what my life was like, not even for the dubious comfort of sex, so I had mumbled something about a date and had simply stepped out for a drink or two. 

_ This last mission we got is really spooking me out! No solid information, no clues, just people disappearing. All ages groups, nothing to tie them together. Just something reaching out and plucking them up like flowers…_

I am becoming morbid once more. I should really avoid withdrawn, gorgeous, crimson-maned assassins; they are bad for my disposition! 

The night had been disappointing, as I hadn't even managed to lose myself in the heady inebriation of alcohol I had looking for, tormented as I was by the sneaky feeling that my life was about to be turned on its proverbial ear, and not only by the mission but by one redheaded team-mate as well. 

_ And you know better than getting involved with a co-worker, especially one who will be risking his life, Yohji. Or rather, you should know better, but then when will you ever learn? _

Never, I guess… 

I am attracted, though. 

Shit, what the fuck is that! 

It was then that I realised I had almost walked onto the site of an accident; a bus was burning in the middle of a street, and a car, just the husk of a sleek sport car actually, was practically melded to the blackened ruins of the bus. 

With a start, I realised one important detail; there wasn't even an ambulance in sight. 

_ Shouldn't they be trying to get the casualties out? Unless… There are no casualties once more._

Bingo! I just have to look around then; the culprit is likely in the neighbourhood, or maybe considering the speed the seems to be striking at, he could be a half town away… 

Carefully, I look around. But for the firemen, there are only a couple shapes lying still on the pavement. 

_ Some poor soul that was walking by when the blasted car wreck went up, and got caught in the explosion. _

Then a smallish shape, silhouetted against the flames, caught my attention. I could see a young woman with dark curls, probably a foreigner, making her way unsteadily towards one of the rescue team. She seemed in distress and not too steady on her legs. Even if she wasn't the sort of beauty I usually go for, still I couldn't stop myself from going to the rescue. And barely in time too, I realised, as she seemed to lose balance and started to fall down. 

I caught her just before she hit the pavement. She didn't weight much, and her torn and burnt clothing had surely seen better days. But that wasn't what caught my attention. What I found my attention drawn to, was an unusual tattoo, which seemed like writing, but in no language I could discern, on her exposed left arm. 

Without even being able to realise why I was doing this, I gathered up the woman and took her in the direction of the flower shop a bare five hundred meters away. Somehow, I was certain I had already seen something like her tattoo somewhere before, and while she seemed more of a victim than a killer, I couldn't shake the sensation that she would prove invaluable in solving the case. 

******************* 

(Crawford) 

Schuldig has just gone out on his so called "shopping" trip. I let him go, as I hadn't seen anything particularly menacing in his future, but for that bullet he would be taking in a couple of weeks. But there was no way I was getting involved with that. A whole week of calm and quiet without the telepath around would be sheer heaven. Even having to listen to him bitching afterwards about my faulty `sight' wasn't deterrent enough to have me messing with that particular vision. Trusting in my visions, I felt significantly certain that the blasted man would be unable to find and face Entropy while on this outing. 

Also, having the telepath out of the house might just prove to be a Godsend, as I had felt the migraine intensity headache that precedes a prophecy building in the back of my head for the whole of the morning. The last thing I needed, once I was laid low by my gift, was Schuldig discovering just how badly I was affected by it. It had taken a great deal of luck, as well as careful planning on my part, to keep the true nature and consequences of my most accurate and important visions to myself. 

A sharper pain assaulting me gave me enough warning to have me take leave of a hard at work Nagi, before I managed to completely shatter the boy's image of cool composed leader he projects on me. With a curt "I shall be in my office, you aren't to disturb me for the next few hours," I left Nagi's darkened room and barely bit back an exclamation of suffering at the bright light of the rising sun, illuminating the living room. 

_ I don't have much time, I had better hurry!_

It didn't take me long to reach the welcome darkness and safety of my room, the furthest from the entrance of the house. I had been looking for quiet from Schuldig's outings and security from possible attack when I made my choice, and was never more grateful for my foresight than when laid low by my gift. With a soft sigh, I turned the key into the lock and carefully made my way to the bathroom, my headache now having reached migraine intensity. I put my glasses on the space to the side of the sink, then as an afterthought, I added my watch also. 

_ Hopefully, I will make it to the shower stall before I collapse…_

My sight was already starting to get blurry as I knelt down to untie my shoelaces and remove my shoes and socks, before taking care of the rest of my clothes. I made it as far as the second sock, then It hit. 

§A tall, black haired man fighting with a smaller red-haired man wielding a katana…§ 

_ Or is it a Ninhotoh? Why am I fighting? … Hurts… _

§The younger man is losing; suddenly a young black haired woman, she isn't Japanese, seems to appear and tries to touch the black haired man. He is wearing glasses…§ 

_ I have seen her face before… _

§The man recoils as if stung, and cries out, `How can you choose their side, idiotic woman! I didn't want to believe you could be this short sighted! You have doomed us all!'§ 

_ Why does it matter what she did choose? …He should just kill her… Oh God, the pain!_

§The man turns. His one chance at power, his chance at freedom, is being taken away, but he has to face both the redhead and the woman with the curls. He points the gun he is holding to the one taking away his prize; his glasses are broken, now, he can barely see his target.§ 

_ My body, is it moving?_

§A female voice calls out clearly, "You freak, how dare you hide amongst us! You shall be made to pay for your crimes, monster!"[1] The man with the broken glasses turns around, a red haired woman is pointing a gun at the black haired woman; she fires.§ 

_ No more please, no more, no more… it hurts too much…_

§The black haired man steps forward and stops the bullet with his body. He falls heavily to the ground. The whole structure around the fighters starts to collapse, as the unassuming foreign girl cries out in rage.§ 

_ No Oracle has ever seen his Death… What does this mean? _

§Blackness.§ 

_ No more pain… yes, let it fade… No! Not again!!_

§Light once more. A room, bare, nothing more than four concrete walls, really. A young woman with mousy ash blonde straight hair, her eyes are a soft doe-like brown, is standing before the bespectacled man. Somehow, her features are familiar, her colouring seems wrong, though. 

She is talking, but the man isn't listening. His eyes are unfocused, then his gaze clears. He says, "An Oracle can't see his Death. But you, apparently, can see the death of a person by touching them, can you not?" 

The woman's expression closes down; she wordlessly reaches out, almost as if in distaste. Her fingers barely come in contact with the man's wrist , then surprise flashes briefly in her gaze as she grasps the proffered limb firmly. After a while she murmurs, "Not yours, apparently. I haven't seen yours."$ 

_ I can't stand this any longer…_

§Blackness.§ 

_ Peace? Just let me in peace!_

§A roof; a storm is gathering. A tall dark shape, asexual, face hidden by a black cowl, is standing, apparently untouched by the fury of the elements. Lighting strikes in the distance, fell violet discharges striking the ground. Faint shapes of people can be seen around the black garbed creature.§ 

_ No more, no more, no more… I hurt…_

§With a faint keening sound, black letters appear around the `_thing'_.§ 

_ Is it Hebrew?_

§The creature seems to melt in the shadows. All fades to darkness.§ 

I came to with a soft cry. My muscles hurt, and I could feel the strain in them left by the movements of my uncontrolled body. 

_ No wonder my parents used to think I was epileptic… _

The disgusting smell coming from my person was evidence enough of the fact that I probably had soiled myself. 

_ My `gift' may have given me power, but I could go without having to pay the price required, that's for sure…_

With a sigh, I saw to getting into a warm bath before having to face the hustle of a empty-handed Schuldig returning home. The three piece suit I had been wearing would regretfully have to be thrown away, I realised with a faint sense of betrayal. 

_ I should have realised it was coming sooner. I may have avoided the hustle of prophecy, with all its discomfort for at least half a decade, but I should have realised that this wasn't going to be a simple vision…_

Relaxing in the water as I washed the sweat and grime away, I pondered over all that my so called *gift* had shown me. There were several pleasant facts about this one prophecy. For one, it had confirmed that the elders might indeed be brought down; for another, though, it had shown me getting seriously wounded and possibly dying. 

_ No Oracle can see the manner of his Death, or so goes the saying… _

Normally, I am not a real Oracle, no matter what they call me. I only see the Future that May come to be, and not the Future that Will be. Normally… but then I have never tried changing any of the few prophecies I made… They all came to be without any help on my side. 

And do I dare mess with the Future that I was shown, a Future where the elders lie dead at my feet? 

On the other hand, I will condone no weakness, and that girl, that Drien, will become that. She will be a dangerous one, if I will be willing to step in the path of a bullet to save her! 

I can't allow that! No matter how hard I will have to work to get to the same future by changing that detail, her presence, I will do it! She will have to die even IF she is Entropy… 

But can I change what I saw? 

I HAVE to, and I will. Destiny is mine to mould! 

Not many of those that See what will be survive unscathed; insanity seems to be inevitable for us. As inevitable as what we See. 

TBC… 

Well that was all folks! Still, come back in about a couple of weeks for another instalment of this… thing… After careful consideration I think that chapter seven "And the angel of death behind me" will be in two parts as it would otherwise be terribly long say 30 or plus pages... ^.^;; 

Before that, though, I really have to try out a little thing I have been meaning to write for a while, or the Muse won't let me work in peace. Hope you won't mind and please check it out, coming (hopefully) soon "May you live in Interesting Times" prologue **Here comes Aya!**

** Before leaving though please help me out a little!! I need to know, do you want the OC characters to die now or do I forbear gruesomely killing them for now? **

Please tell me what you think! Their fate hangs in your hands… That is to say, left to my own devices I will probably angst over it for another couple of weeks and then uhh possibly kill them off… and again maybe not… 

** Notes:**

[1] I haven't been watching too much Xmen lately, so I don't really know where this comes from! Still it kind of makes sense… I mean why the heck send someone normal out after guys with superpowers without even giving them guns, if not to prove such a point? Humans are better, etc etc… 

[2] German meaning literally green veggies… You would use it to refer to someone who is `green' as in too young. 


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